I've been thinking a bit about the power of agency and to
what extent we choose happiness. Of course there are things like clinical
depression and other mental conditions that affect a person in ways that no
amount of positive thinking can fix. However that's not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about negative thinking. That can be fixed with positive thinking
and choosing happiness and hope.
***SPOILER ALERT FOR ONCE UPON A TIME FANS***
In the mid-season finale of Once Upon a Time, which I
referenced in a
recent post, I mentioned the flashbacks featuring the theme of happy
endings. In Snow White and Prince Charming's flashback the Blue Fairy talks to
them about their daughter Emma's destiny to save them all from the impending
curse. At first Snow is worried about the uncertainty, that they don't know if
the future will hold anything good for them. Charming responds that the future
isn't what they planned, but that doesn't make it bad. In the end, Snow says,
"I choose hope."
In another episode (chronologically after the flashback I
just mentioned), Snow White/Mary Margaret is talking to her grown daughter Emma
who is frustrated by her parents' insufferable optimism. How could they always
be so optimistic when their lives have sucked so much? A line from Snow
White/Mary Margaret right then hit me: "The minute I let go of the idea
that things will get better is the minute I know they won't."
My life hasn't exactly been ideal lately. I've been stressed
by school and preoccupied with making sure that my relationships with others
are healthy. Many times I've wanted to just break down in tears feeling
hopeless. Other times I have felt hopeless. As hard as it is, and it is
incredibly hard, I am holding onto the hope of a "happy ending" (or at
least reminding myself that the semester has an ending). It's really easy to be
bitter toward God or others for what's going on in my life. However, instead of
being bitter I choose hope. Hope that I will get acceptable grades in my
classes. Hope that I will be able to maintain healthy relationships. And hope
that no matter how many tears I shed, the Savior will be there to wipe those
tears away (Revelation
21:4) and comfort me. I need Him. I cannot go through this journey alone.
Hi Spencer! Funny you posted this, last night I read a chapter, "Brightness of Hope" in a book I was reading. Hope is a really great topic to read about! It is definitely even more awesome to FEEL hopeful. I hope for all of the things for you that you spoke of in this post, and I am sure your parents and friends all do, also. I said a prayer for you. One of the things from that chapter about hope was, (in regards to how to obtain hope) "first and foremost, look to Christ with joyous expectation". Having the Savior wipe away our tears is definitely a joyous expectation! He loves you Spencer, I am sure of it. And he is making sure you are not going through this journey alone. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself regarding your relationships when you are feeling this way, instead, focus on how wonderful it is and how grateful you are that your friends and family care about you, make you laugh, and stand by you (the ones that do, of course!, lol!). This should generate more hope for you and take the pressure off. I hope the semester turns out terrific for you!
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