Bringing Zion Home

Last week I flew back to Utah. That means it's been a little over a week since I left the Zion-like community known as the Hill Cumorah Pageant. The other day I was talking with a Pageant friend about this. I told her that Pageant was one of the most Zion-like places I've been (the other one being North Star firesides and gatherings). She responded in agreement and expressing that she can't wait for that day to come for real. It got me thinking and I told her that in the meantime I want to do my best to bring Zion to my ward, because I don't believe we have to wait.

The scriptures say that Zion is a people of one heart and one mind who dwell in righteousness (Moses 7:18). Historically it has been a physical location (i.e. The City of Enoch, Jerusalem perhaps, and for a time Independence, Missouri). It will also be a physical place in the future in Independence. However, in the meantime, I believe we can have Zion in the church. I have my issues with Mormon culture, so I wouldn't trick myself into thinking "all is well in Zion" (2 Nephi 28:21) but I have felt Zion before. I've had wards that have felt like Zion. I've been to North Star firesides that just felt like home. And of course, as I mentioned earlier, the Hill Cumorah Pageant. I know it's possible, but now it is a matter of bringing that feeling of Zion with me to my current ward, or at the very least my group of friends. I cannot live (permanently) at the Hill Cumorah Pageant or at North Star firesides. However, I can work on building my own spiritual strength, building others up, and creating Zion in my circle of influence.

Supreme Court Debate

Though I would have liked to remain silent during this big discussion about gay marriage (Are you surprised? I am, too) I was asked by a friend to write a post about it. So this post is just based on my opinions of gay marriage and more importantly how we respond to this discussion.

First of all, I’ll state my position. I stand with what the church says about gay marriage. In my opinion and in my belief, marriage by definition is man and woman. I have nothing against same-sex couples and in reality what we’re fighting over is a word. That being said, I do support gay rights, as does the church. Should gays be discriminated against in jobs and other opportunities? Of course not! I’m all for gay couples in civil unions getting the same tax benefits and other legal rights as married couples, actually. In the end, I guess I just care about the semantics.

Now that that’s been said, here’s the bigger issue that I see: contention. That, more than anything, has been driving me up the wall during the past few days. Yes, it’s a heated argument and a touchy subject for many on both sides. But let’s be honest, the Supreme Court isn’t going to make its decision based on how many people have a red equal sign as their profile picture or how many people have… whatever the “traditional marriage” people have as theirs.

In the end, all that’s happening is people are getting in pointless arguments and getting angry. And that drives the Spirit away. I still have a long way to go to get to the kind of Christ-like love that I want to have, but in my judgment so do so many others. This includes people inside the church. Yes, we have different opinions and viewpoints, but that doesn’t mean there has to be contention. In my Doctrine and Covenants class, we’ve been talking about Zion recently. The more I learn about it the more I realize how far we are as a people from getting there.

“And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them.” (Moses 7:18)

Before we can physically build Zion, we must first become Zion where we are. I’m not saying we have to all agree on everything. I’m saying that the arguing and the contention are not conducive for building Zion. The answer is love. You don’t have to agree with everything someone says to love them. You don’t have to have the same political viewpoints to love them. You can love them because they’re children of our Heavenly Father, our brothers and sisters. Like I said, I still have a long way to go with developing this kind of love, but it’s one of my desires. Could I be killed like Jesus was and forgive my killers? If I can’t love that much, then I fall short of the Christ-like love that I’m searching for.

PS: Check out http://ldsvoicesofhope.org. The Voice(s) of Hope Project is finally been released! I'll be doing a post or two about it later! :)

All is Well in Zion?

Wow! It’s kinda late, but I wanted to write this post, so here we go. This morning, I was reading in 2 Nephi 28 for my scripture study. Verse 21 caught my attention. In the past, I’ve had discussions with one of my friends (let’s call him Calvin) about problems we’ve seen in the church. One concern he’s brought up is that (especially in priesthood) we act as though none of us have problems.

All is well in Zion?

Let me tell you, those people couldn’t be more wrong. If I can be blunt, what kind of rock do you have to live under to realize how many problems we have in the church? In our quorums? It irks me at times to have lessons about home teaching in elders quorum and hear some guy say that it’s more important for us to home teach the girls we’re assigned to than the guys. Really? I’ve heard that viewpoint explained that it’s because the girls don’t have roommates who can provide a priesthood blessing. That may be a reason to ensure that the girls get home taught. However, it’s not good enough for me.

All is well in Zion? No.

Palmyra Temple (July 2012)

What is it with our society that tells that that we can’t have problems? Even in the church, where we’re taught that each of us will experience trials. Yet, it seems so common that I see people around BYU that have smiles almost surgically plastered to their face in a way that I honestly don’t believe they’re happy. Pride? Is that the problem? We can’t look weak? Or do people really believe that there aren’t problems? Are many of us actually in denial?

All is well in Zion? Not even close.

I have friends who deal with pornography problems. I have friends who deal with depression and anxiety. I have friends who are stressed out on a daily basis by their classes. I have friends who are distressed by family problems. I have friends who are lonely because, despite their efforts, they are single. I have friends who have been down because of a bad breakup. Am I saying that we should announce our struggles and our problems over the pulpit during testimony meeting? No. I’ve been guilty of that; I’ve been prompted to mention my SSA over the pulpit while bearing my testimony (usually in reference to something it has taught me about the Atonement). However, we should be able to be authentic with those we trust. All of us have friends (even if your only friend is your bishop, you have a friend). Why not be a little vulnerable and feel the support that comes from being authentic with those we love? Being vulnerable and being authentic is scary (trust me; I’ve had some VERY scary days because of it).

As I finish off this post, I’m not sure what to really say. Don’t let the adversary let you believe all is perfect and Zion has no problems. That was never part of the Lord’s definition of Zion. In fact, the most Zion-like places I’ve been have been full of people that have been open to each other about their flaws and have been authentic with each other. However, at the same time, don’t be distressed. Things may not be perfect; we live in a fallen world. The amazing thing about that is that that is why Jesus Christ performed the Atonement, so that we could find that peace amongst affliction and so that we can have hope that it gets better.

Behind the Voices

(me with Ty Mansfield, the man who started this great movement)

A couple weeks ago, I was asked for some input and reflections about the Voices of Hope project, which I was filmed for on November 16. A little while later, after the podcast was released, I listened to it. This episode of the North Star Voices podcast was about the filming of the project, the feelings and impressions that those involved had on that day.

I figured the podcast would be spiritual, but, like the filming of the project itself, I didn’t expect it to be THAT powerful. For the sake of some confidentiality (because of Google and stuff) I’m not going to mention most people by name, so this post will mostly be a summary of the thoughts and feelings from the podcast.

One thing that I absolutely LOVED was mentioned by at least eight of those interviewed and I wholeheartedly agree: The community, the brotherhood, the bond, the camaraderie, and the family there was tangible. Like I’ve mentioned before, it’s in those moments that I can glimpse Zion. Reo, one of the cameramen (who does not experience same-sex attraction), made the comment, “I feel like I'm in the temple right now.” Multiple people noted how strong the Spirit was; one Voices of Hope participant noted that it was because people are testifying that there is hope through Jesus Christ. Reo also noted that it was because there was so much love, acceptance, and understanding of the Atonement present at those filming locations. A different participant noted that earlier on in his journey, he believed he was the only “gay man” trying to live the gospel. I can say from experience that I’ve felt that way before too and I know many people who have felt that way. However, it’s not true! As this participant said, “You are not alone! There are a lot of us!” Another participant said that he went through withdrawals in the days following his shoot, because his life was so mundane compared to the power he’d felt at the shoots. One of the project’s coordinators noted that the camaraderie was an unexpected (yet very welcomed) byproduct of the project. I am grateful to count myself as part of this brotherhood and this Voices of Hope family.

Another common theme in the podcast was how much the Lord provided the participants with words to speak. One participant is not a native English speaker, so he was worried about being able to convey all that he wanted to in his second language. However, he said, “I didn’t lack any words.” A couple others, though native English speakers, had similar worries. One of them, reflecting on what he’d said, noted that it was what he would have wanted to hear if he had heard it while he was struggling. The other said that he had prayed, “Wilt thou give me the words to speak?” He testified that he had been given those inspired words. Like them, I had been a little worried about having said everything right or having said enough. A few things have brought me comfort in that. First, while talking to Ty Mansfield after my shoot, he noted that even after writing “In Quiet Desperation” and “Voices of Hope”, he still had much more he wanted to say. Also, he noted that when he wrote “In Quiet Desperation” he didn’t expect to get married in this life. That comment reminded me that my story will never be able to be told in full during this life, because I’m continuously writing it. Another thing that brought me comfort is this blog. I am free to share my thoughts and reflections about my SSA and other things in my life and be able to share my testimony at all times.

Another one that I’ve brought up a few times became a common theme. It was mentioned multiple times how SSA is not a weakness. It is a blessing and strength. William Seger (who wrote “Why Me?: A Gay Man's Struggle for Love and Family”) noted that it is a blessing! He continuously reminds a young man he knows that it is a blessing. However, where that young man is, he cannot see it. William’s wife referenced Ether 12:27 in supporting her husband. Another participant said, “Learn to love it! Love yourself! Enjoy the fact that you see others differently! ... Don't let the world tell you who you are. Tell the world who you are!” I absolutely loved that!

Here’s another point I wanted to bring up… it was emphasized my multiple people in the podcast how much agency plays into this. William Seger mentioned agency twice during his snippet and emphasized how we choose what we want to become. The gay lifestyle is not the only choice. As noted previously, you choose who you want to be! Don’t let the world decide who you want to be! Don’t let their lies tell you that you are less than you are. One thing I loved that I said was this: “You are more than your mistakes and your weaknesses... they don't define you... your weaknesses can be your strengths.”

The podcast ended with some words from the project’s coordinator. He noted that even now as they’ve filmed forty participants, we have no idea how far this project will reach and what the impact will be. Eventually, they would even like to do videos from other countries (England, Thailand, Chile, etc). He quoted Joseph Smith in saying, “No unhallowed hand can stop this work from progressing.”

Finally, the podcast ended off with a clip of Elder Jefferey R. Holland from October 2011 Priesthood session of General Conference. I remember this distinctly. I was in Calgary at the time and it had been a hard time for me, but this re-energized me: “Satan cannot directly take a life. That is one of many things he cannot do. But apparently his effort to stop the work will be reasonably well served if he can just bind the tongue of the faithful ...  I ask for a stronger and more devoted voice, a voice not only against evil and him who is the personification of it, but a voice for good, a voice for the gospel, a voice for God. Brethren of all ages, unbind your tongues and watch your words work wonders in the lives of those “who are only kept from the truth because they know not where to find it.”

I have a testimony of this work. Just like any other kind of missionary work, the Lord will support this. And above all else, remember that through the Atonement, it gets better.

PS: Here’s a link to the podcast. Yours truly is featured at the time marker 49:40

Sounds Like Zion

Sunday night this week was great! After having a great day with some friends after a friend’s Melchezidek priesthood ordination (PS: Congratulations again, Phil), I went to the annual North Star Christmas musical fireside. Such an amazing, powerful, spiritual experience!

I arrived with my friends just in time for it to start. Immediately, I felt a sense of peace as I saw the faces of familiar people, many of whom I’ve met in person, but also many that I had only met online. As the fireside started, I pegged a word to the feeling I had. I texted my Dad that I was at the fireside and then said, “I feel at home here.” His reply struck me: “Saints united in a righteous cause… the Spirit there… Sounds like Zion.”

I knew he was right. I could recall the scripture I’d memorized years ago in seminary: “And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them.” (Moses 7:18) “One heart and one mind”… isn’t that exactly what I was feeling in that room? Isn’t that what I’d felt just a few weeks before at the AMCAP conference? Isn’t that what I’d felt for months at my Evergreen group? I remembered once telling Garrett about my feelings at an Evergreen meeting. “You wouldn’t expect the Spirit to be so strong in a room full of men that the world would call ‘gay’,” I’d said. And yet, that’s what I felt. Why? Because we’re striving to live the gospel.

As difficult as it can be sometimes to be attracted to men, I have felt some of the strongest testimonies among my SSA friends. They’d have to be the strongest… otherwise we’d fall into what Lehi called “forbidden paths” (1 Nephi 8:28) Add this to another reason why I’m grateful to be “gay”: my testimony is not what it probably would have been, had it not been for my SSA. What if we could have that unity of purpose and testimony in our elders’ quorums and relief societies? Imagine how the church and the world would change. Honestly, I think the church wouldn’t have to put out websites like this one (“Love One Another: A Discussion on Same-Sex Attraction”) to teach us to love each other unconditionally (PS: I plan on doing a blog post in the future on this new church website… I want to explore it more first). It would be inherent and intuitive.

As if the feeling of home/Zion wasn’t powerful enough for me, I was blown away by the musical numbers and the three speakers. In particular, I felt the Spirit wash over me when my friend (let’s call him Keith) sang “Silent Night”. Keith has an AMAZING voice and especially having gotten to know him over the past few weeks and learn from his story, I know very much of his testimony as well and I know that he has a powerful testimony of the Atonement and of Jesus Christ, of whom he sang.

I was also very moved by the words of Steven Frei, the president of North Star, who spoke at the close of the fireside. One part of his remarks really struck me: “Two thousand years ago, Mary and Joseph knocked. Now, Christ knocks at our door. He is our true Voice of hope.” Of course, with the North Star community, the phrase “voice of hope” has a lot of meaning to us. However, Ty Mansfield also mentioned in his book (and on the introduction video to the upcoming website) that the greatest Voice of hope (and the one that all of our testimonies, as part of the Voices of Hope project, point to) is Jesus Christ. He was born so that He could fulfill His mission as the Savior of the world. He came to give us all hope. He came to be the purest Voice of hope that any of us (no matter what we experience in our lives) can look to.

I bear testimony of the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the one we worship and reverence in this Christmas season. It is because of His birth and death that we are able to find peace and meaning in this life. And, as always, it is through that infinite Atonement that it gets better.