At times as I pass the sacrament, I notice that some
individuals opt not to partake. I remember as a youth with a pornography
addiction that I was scared of someone seeing that I wouldn't take the
sacrament. What would they think? Surely they'd judge me, right? Certainly word
could get around the whole ward that I was a horrid sinner who had gotten
himself in deep enough in sin that he wasn't to take the sacrament. These
thoughts did not come from God. They came from the adversary, trying to
persuade me to continue in self-hate, which only drove me further into
addiction.
I've learned a lot about the sacrament (and particularly not
partaking of it) since high school when my addiction has flared up anew. If I
do not take the sacrament because of a relapse, it's not because the Lord wants
me to feel worthless. It's because He loves me and wants me to be free of
condemnation.
Where I am now, understanding the sacrament as I now
understand it, I know that this "restriction" from taking the
sacrament is a step of the repentance process. It's an expression of His love
for you as His child.
To my friends who are unable to partake of the sacrament:
God loves you. You matter to Him. If I see you unable to partake of the
sacrament, my first instinct is to pray for you. You are worthy of God's love
and I pray that you are able to feel that and that you are soon able to partake
of the sacrament again. Keep coming to church! Don't give up! My friend, I love
you. If you feel discouraged, remember that you have at least one friend
praying for you.
