This week during my LDS Marriage and Family class, my teacher mentioned a program he’d seen on television where they brought on a group of teenage/young adult stars that had committed themselves to being sexually clean. He said it began as a really great testimony of these young adults’ use of agency. However, then they brought on an “expert” (which made my professor shudder) who claimed that based on hormone levels at their age, it was impossible for them to be 100% sexually clean. Even if it wasn’t with other people, he claimed they must be sexually active in some way in order to survive.
The comment made my blood boil as it reminded me of something I’d seen on Danielle Mansfield’s Facebook wall last month… She had stumbled across comments somewhere taking bets on when her marriage to Ty and Josh and Lolly Weed’s marriage would end up in divorce. The idea in the world is that “gay” men in a heterosexual marriage will inevitably leave their wives because of their desires for other men. Call me naïve, but it doesn’t make sense to me. After all, the Lord has promised that He will give us a way to escape temptation and that He will ALWAYS provide a way for us to follow His commandments.
As I’ve mentioned before, Ty and Danielle have been receiving persecution about their marriage for years. And ever since his coming out, so have Josh and Lolly Weed. For some reason it seems that those who ask for tolerance are not able to tolerate that there are men like Ty and Josh who do not choose to live the way of the world. In addition to them, I know several men with same-sex attraction who are in heterosexual marriages. At the AMCAP conference, I actually heard one of their wives say that her marriage is better because of it, because it means that they communicate with each other better. Josh Weed said on his blog that his marriage is stronger because it was not based on attraction, but based on love and friendship. Yes, there are many stories of gay men getting married and then leaving their wives for other men. I’m not denying that. However, we have agency, the power to write our own stories and the stories I’ve seen in the LDS SSA community of those men and women who have found marriage have been written beautifully.
Yeah, people say that it’s impossible for a marriage like the Mansfield’s or the Weed’s to stay together. When I get married, people may say the same thing about me and my wife. However, no matter what gender they’re attracted to, a man and a woman, committed to each other, and committed to God can choose with certainty that it won’t happen. Yes, there’s work involved to keep that marriage together. But there’s work to keep any marriage together (side-note: there are plenty of straight couples that get divorced because one is unfaithful).
The world has its beliefs. And honestly, lots of the time, the world’s beliefs do not line up with what the Lord’s standard is. However, no matter what the world says, I have my agency to choose the path I want. Sure, I could choose a gay lifestyle, but I choose to use my agency to say no, because that’s not what I want. And it’s because of the Atonement (and through the proper use of our agency) that it gets better.
PS: My bet is that Ty and Danielle will be together through eternity, as will Josh and Lolly. And I have good odds on that. J