Joy to the World

Joy to the world! the Lord is come;

Let Earth receive her King;

Let every heart prepare him room,

And heaven and nature sing,

And heaven and nature sing,

And heaven, and heaven, and nature sing.

Last time I wrote here, I said “I’m staying”. This time I wanted to share one of the reasons why. 

In speaking to the youth in my ward recently, I shared about my experiences and beliefs about myself because of my SSA. I thought the only feasible route to be happy would be to leave the covenant path. But I learned that my testimony and the Spirit brought me too much peace and joy to leave behind. So I’m staying because of the joy the gospel brings.  

One of the times I feel that joy more strongly is leading up to Christmas. The holiday season is a time when people are thinking about the Savior, even if they don’t realize it or believe it. The spirit of Christmas is the joy I receive from bearing my testimony and living the gospel. 

I’m not sure how Christmas will be for me on a budget (I’m not getting any new toys) but I get to experience the joy of my daughter’s Christmas. To find joy in simple or mundane things is so childlike, something we’re instructed to become. Through the atonement and covenants we make, we can become childlike again and feel the joy Heavenly Father offers us. 

This Christmas season I’m grateful for the gift of the atonement. The gift of repentance. The gift of divine transformation. I’m not who I was and that’s good. I hope He continues to transform me so that I can let in more joy that I know He wants to share with me. 

Rejoice! Rejoice when Jesus reigns,

And Saints their songs employ,

While fields and floods, rocks, hills, and plains

Repeat the sounding joy,

Repeat the sounding joy,

Repeat, repeat the sounding joy. 

I'm Still Here and I'm Staying

Does anyone still follow my blog or check my posts? In the past few years, I felt less need write about matters relating to same-sex attraction, and after joining the team of Mormon Geeks (now called Latter-Day Saint Geeks), my gospel writing kind of went there. But, hi! I’m still alive! 

That being said, I had to say something. I've seen posts on social media regarding BYU, For the Strength of Youth, etc.; and I just feel like I have more to say regarding the gospel, my testimony, and the covenants I've made. There’s more missionary work to be done within the Church regarding same-sex attraction.

To be clear; what I have to say in this and future posts isn't intended for those who have left the Church or even for those who are questioning their testimonies. If you fall into that category, I hope you can still find something positive and uplifting from what I say, even if it doesn't apply to you. What I have to say is for those who are trying with all their hearts to stay in the Church, despite their doubts and questions.

October 2022 was ten years since my initial "coming out" blog post. I wanted to do a big ole blog post to commemorate that crazy milestone. Unfortunately, life happened and the anniversary passed. In the process of it all, I read some of my old blog posts from the past ten years. Being 10 years more mature now, I expected to feel super cringey reading my old stuff. Yes, there was definitely some cringe, but my testimony has only grown. And I stand by what I've said, though I could articulate it better now.

So what’s the point?

The point is simple: I'm staying.

When I was in New York a few years ago, my friends and I saw a Harry Potter parody play called "Puffs". During the Battle of Hogwarts, our beloved Hufflepuffs nearly ran out of the castle because they didn't think they were good enough to fight the Death Eaters. But Leanne, possibly the biggest "Puff" of them all, declared that despite their shortcomings, she was staying. And one by one they began sounding off: "I'm a Puff and I'm staying."

If the Puffs can stand up against Death Eaters, I can stand by my testimony. So here I am: I'm a Puff and I'm staying! And to anyone else who’s staying, I hope my experiences and future blog posts can help strengthen you.

"I'm a Puff and I'm staying."