Teach Them Correct Principles

A few months ago, before I started writing here again, I met with my bishop and stake president in an effort to bring support to LGBT members of the Church in our area and to their families, who might have questions. As I’ve pondered what I might say to members of the stake, I keep coming back to a quote by the Prophet Joseph Smith: “I teach them correct principles and they govern themselves.”

There’s something to be said for going back to the basics. It’s my opinion that we need to forget about the prescribed application of the commandments (i.e. Is my Dr. Pepper against the Word of Wisdom or not?”) and we need to think about why the commandments are given. What is the principle behind the commandment? 

In almost 200 years of the Restored Church, cultural misunderstandings of gospel principles have crept in from other sects, from politics, from activist parties, etc. We’ve parroted things in Sunday School and seminary classes that we’ve heard over the years to the point we believe that it’s doctrine, despite not being spoken by the prophets (ancient or modern). 

So, in my upcoming series of “Back to Basics” blog posts, I want to break down gospel principles into what has actually been said, complete with sources. It is my belief that a correct understanding of God's plan—even if there are parts yet to be revealed—will help us to live joyful, fulfilling lives on the covenant path. 

Read also: “Conversion to the Will of God” by Elder Quentin L. Cook 

2022: Year in Review

Back when I was actually writing on this blog consistently(ish), I had tried to continue a family tradition of reflecting on the previous year and look ahead into the new year. So now, five years since the last time I did this, I'm back at it again.

Neatest Place You were in 2022

We didn't go a lot of places this year, thanks to working off some loans from physical therapy school. However we did make it up to Oklahoma with my wife's family. It's the second year we've gone and I had more fun this year than last. Always a blessing to see my little girl with her cousins.

Biggest Surprise of the Year

I'm not sure if it was the "biggest" surprise but it's had some long lasting consequences.  In June, I was transferred to the other clinic to replace someone. So learning to adapt to another clinic (even in the same company) was a stretch. I'm pleased to report I have adapted and I think I've grown from it too.

Best Movie/TV Show You Watched

I've narrowed it to my top three. Although many people didn't like it, I loved She-Hulk (except for part of the finale, which I talk about here). It was a breath of fresh air from normal Marvel content. There was also the Obi-Wan Kenobi series, beautifully returning us to Ewan McGregor's character and illustrating the trauma Obi-Wan had to deal with as he tried to hide out as "Ben". Lastly, I finally got into Star Trek with Strange New Worlds. It was a good beginner series for Star Trek and I'm sure it made my trekkie father proud.

Saddest Day/Time in 2022

My parents came to visit us in Texas for a week and a half this summer. It was wonderful to see my little girl playing with Gramma and Papa. One of the nice things about living in Texas is that we get my parents all to ourselves. They even got to babysit while Caren and I went to our full anatomy ultrasound. Sometimes we'll still get chatter of "Gramma n' Papa's camper". So as wonderful as their visit was, their departure was that much sadder. It's always hard to say goodbye to loved ones, so I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say that goodbye was among the saddest days of the year.

Happiest Day/Time in 2022

In June, there was a day that I was at work and Caren called me with our pregnancy test blood work results. With the happy news on my mind, I was pretty much bouncing around the clinic for the rest of the day! Can't get much happier than that!

Best Book/Magazine You’ve Read

My friend Preston Jenkins (referenced in a General Conference talk by Elder Holland) wrote a book about his experience with his missionary service and his same-sex attraction (sound familiar?). Because of the similarities in our stories, particularly with coming home early from our missions, this book nearly brought me to tears more than once. I had to be careful listening to the audiobook too close to work. And then I got a hard-copy of the book for Christmas! Here's the Amazon link if you're interested. Also check out Preston's Voices of Hope video and his podcast (though he's currently on hiatus with the podcast).

Things you will remember from the news

If you know me, you'll know I avoid the news (they just catastrophize everything... hard to trust them). The news of Jason David Frank passing broke my heart though. For those who don't remember him, he was the original green Power Ranger. What's worse than his passing is the possibility that it was suicide (I didn't hear whether that was ever confirmed or not). I wrote a tribute to JDF for LDS Geeks, but I just want to say here that I detest suicide. It doesn't make anything better. So if you're struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide, tell someone. Please open up.

Favorite Talk in Church/Conference

April 2022 had some wonderful talks about missionary work. To be honest, they were triggering for me, after my experiences on my mission. And the comments online about the "expectations" to serve a mission, even more of a trigger, but I stand by the words of President Nelson and President Ballard. To read more about my thoughts regarding the April 2022 talks, check out what I wrote on LDS Geeks.

What would you like to do in 2023?

Baby girl coming later this month or in February (duh). But besides the obvious, pending finances, maybe a trip to Utah? We might be taking another trip to Oklahoma this summer. Mostly I'm just excited for family and friends to visit for baby girl's blessing in a few months.

Joy to the World

Joy to the world! the Lord is come;

Let Earth receive her King;

Let every heart prepare him room,

And heaven and nature sing,

And heaven and nature sing,

And heaven, and heaven, and nature sing.

Last time I wrote here, I said “I’m staying”. This time I wanted to share one of the reasons why. 

In speaking to the youth in my ward recently, I shared about my experiences and beliefs about myself because of my SSA. I thought the only feasible route to be happy would be to leave the covenant path. But I learned that my testimony and the Spirit brought me too much peace and joy to leave behind. So I’m staying because of the joy the gospel brings.  

One of the times I feel that joy more strongly is leading up to Christmas. The holiday season is a time when people are thinking about the Savior, even if they don’t realize it or believe it. The spirit of Christmas is the joy I receive from bearing my testimony and living the gospel. 

I’m not sure how Christmas will be for me on a budget (I’m not getting any new toys) but I get to experience the joy of my daughter’s Christmas. To find joy in simple or mundane things is so childlike, something we’re instructed to become. Through the atonement and covenants we make, we can become childlike again and feel the joy Heavenly Father offers us. 

This Christmas season I’m grateful for the gift of the atonement. The gift of repentance. The gift of divine transformation. I’m not who I was and that’s good. I hope He continues to transform me so that I can let in more joy that I know He wants to share with me. 

Rejoice! Rejoice when Jesus reigns,

And Saints their songs employ,

While fields and floods, rocks, hills, and plains

Repeat the sounding joy,

Repeat the sounding joy,

Repeat, repeat the sounding joy. 

I'm Still Here and I'm Staying

Does anyone still follow my blog or check my posts? In the past few years, I felt less need write about matters relating to same-sex attraction, and after joining the team of Mormon Geeks (now called Latter-Day Saint Geeks), my gospel writing kind of went there. But, hi! I’m still alive! 

That being said, I had to say something. I've seen posts on social media regarding BYU, For the Strength of Youth, etc.; and I just feel like I have more to say regarding the gospel, my testimony, and the covenants I've made. There’s more missionary work to be done within the Church regarding same-sex attraction.

To be clear; what I have to say in this and future posts isn't intended for those who have left the Church or even for those who are questioning their testimonies. If you fall into that category, I hope you can still find something positive and uplifting from what I say, even if it doesn't apply to you. What I have to say is for those who are trying with all their hearts to stay in the Church, despite their doubts and questions.

October 2022 was ten years since my initial "coming out" blog post. I wanted to do a big ole blog post to commemorate that crazy milestone. Unfortunately, life happened and the anniversary passed. In the process of it all, I read some of my old blog posts from the past ten years. Being 10 years more mature now, I expected to feel super cringey reading my old stuff. Yes, there was definitely some cringe, but my testimony has only grown. And I stand by what I've said, though I could articulate it better now.

So what’s the point?

The point is simple: I'm staying.

When I was in New York a few years ago, my friends and I saw a Harry Potter parody play called "Puffs". During the Battle of Hogwarts, our beloved Hufflepuffs nearly ran out of the castle because they didn't think they were good enough to fight the Death Eaters. But Leanne, possibly the biggest "Puff" of them all, declared that despite their shortcomings, she was staying. And one by one they began sounding off: "I'm a Puff and I'm staying."

If the Puffs can stand up against Death Eaters, I can stand by my testimony. So here I am: I'm a Puff and I'm staying! And to anyone else who’s staying, I hope my experiences and future blog posts can help strengthen you.

"I'm a Puff and I'm staying."

The Time the Primary Program Made Me Cry

Ever since we got married, Caren and i have been primary teachers. Often it’s anxiety provoking for me, as 5-7 year olds are often the definition of chaos. The last couple weeks have been eye opening for me though, as we’ve prepared for the primary program.

I haven’t been in a primary program since 2002 and I haven’t even seen a primary program since 2008. In the past 10 years since, lots has happened and lots of pain has been felt. At times this has complicated my testimony, as it’s been mixed with culture and doubt, and I’ve had to learn my way around it. The gospel is simple though. Simple enough for 3 and 4 year olds to bear testimony of it.

A couple songs in particular struck me...

If the Savior stood beside me,
would I do the things I do?
Would I think of His commandments,
and try harder to be true?
Would I follow His example?
Would I live more righteously
if I could see the Savior standing nigh,
watching over me?

If the Savior stood beside me,
would I say the things I say?
Would my words be true and kind
if He was never far away?
Would I try to share the gospel?
Would I speak more rev’rently
if I could see the Savior standing nigh,
watching over me?

He is always near me,
though I do not see Him there,
And because He loves me dearly,
I am in His watchful care.
So I’ll be the kind of person
that I know I’d like to be
if I could see the Savior standing nigh,
watching over me.

(“If the Savior Stood Beside Me”)

The last verse particularly struck me. As I’ve gone through “adult trials” and questions of faith, I’ve wondered if God knew me or, if He did, does He care about me? This verse reminds me that He knows me, He loves me, and (as I was reminded in a poignant priesthood blessing 9 years ago) He’s watching over me.

I’m trying to be like Jesus;
I’m following in his ways.
I’m trying to love as he did, in all that I do and say.
At times I am tempted to make a wrong choice,
But I try to listen as the still small voice whispers,
“Love one another as Jesus loves you.
Try to show kindness in all that you do.
Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought,
For these are the things Jesus taught.”

I’m trying to love my neighbor;
I’m learning to serve my friends.
I watch for the day of gladness when Jesus will come again.
I try to remember the lessons he taught.
Then the Holy Spirit enters into my thoughts, saying:
“Love one another as Jesus loves you.
Try to show kindness in all that you do.
Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought,
For these are the things Jesus taught.”

(“I’m Trying to be Like Jesus”)

The chorus strikes me here. In many ways, this is as complicated the gospel really is. “Love one another” and “show kindness”. After all, didn’t the Savior say the two great commandments were to love God and our neighbors? Whether it’s missionary work or political views, doesn’t everything essentially come down to loving as Jesus loves? He loved sinners, as He corrected them. He loved his friend, as He mourned with them. He loved His killers, as He was murdered.

So I want to add my testimony to the primary kids. I know He's my Father and I know He loves me.