Back to Basics: Same-Sex Attraction

Disclaimer: These “Back to Basics” posts are not meant to convert anyone who has left the church or wants to leave the church. My intent with these posts is to relay correct principles, as taught by the church, and to weed out myth, culture, and misunderstandings. For those who have honest questions and want to stay in the church, these blog posts are for you.

So my plan with these “Back to Basics” posts was to go through the missionary lessons and highlight gospel principles there first (that’s where we start investigators, after all) but since my blog has been about same-sex attraction primarily for over a decade, I decided it might be good to start there instead.

My Voices of Hope video shoot (2013)

Myths abound regarding same-sex attraction and LGBT issues. I won’t go into all of them (because they’re probably endless), but I’ll debunk a couple now by starting with truths:

• People do not choose to be gay or to be attracted to someone of the same sex.
• We do NOT know the cause of same-sex attraction. Nature or nurture? We don’t know.
• Homosexual feelings are NOT related to pedophilia.

Now that I’ve addressed what isn’t, let’s talk about what the church has actually said on the matter. For any quotes that are not directly cited, you can assume they’re from the Church’s official page regarding same-sex attraction.

The Law of Chastity

Elder M. Russell Ballard said, “Let us be clear: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believes that ‘the experience of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people. The attraction itself is not a sin but acting on it is.”

“Sexual relations are reserved for a man and woman who are married and promise complete loyalty to each other.” (Gospel Topics) Therefore, acting against the Law of Chastity, heterosexually or homosexually, would be considered sinful. However, we all make mistakes, so it’s important to remember repentance. “People of any sexual orientation who violate the law of chastity can be reconciled with God through repentance. As followers of Christ, we resist immoral behavior and strive to become like Him.” (Gospel Topics) I take comfort in that.. Regardless of my mistakes, I can do better and strive to become like Jesus Christ.

My wedding day (2017)

Another important thing to mention: Heterosexual marriage should NEVER be used as a way to “fix” same-sex attraction. Men and women have tried that for decades with heartbreaking results. That being said, I’ve seen others, who were seemingly exclusive in their attractions to the same sex, marry in the temple to an eternal companion they love. And those marriages are beautiful as they’re “founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ” and “maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” (The Family)

We Don’t Know What Causes Same-Sex Attraction
“Born that way” is a trendy way to describe the source of homosexual feelings. However, there’s no evidence to support that it’s inherent. We also know, as mentioned above, that same-sex attraction isn’t a choice (why would someone choose to live a harder life fraught with discrimination and misunderstanding?). Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, “The Church does not have a position on the causes of any of these susceptibilities or inclinations, including those related to same-gender attraction.” My personal opinion, the answer must be somewhere in the middle of nature and nurture. After all, sexuality has been known to be fluid. That’s why you get jokes in sitcoms about women “experimenting in college”. 

What does that mean for us? Honestly, it doesn’t mean anything to me. I know many people who get hung up on whether they’re born that way or whether it’s caused by abuse or other childhood experiences. It doesn’t matter though, as far as the gospel path is concerned. Even if you’re born gay, the Law of Chastity is still the Law of Chastity. It doesn’t change anything; according to gospel teachings, we’re still commanded to live a chaste life. Related concept: “The intensity of your attractions may not be in your control; however, you can choose how to respond.”

The Plan of Salvation is for You
Too many times have I heard SSA friends make remarks regarding their placement in the eternities. Too many comments implying that they’re destined for the Telestial Kingdom or to be ministering angels for all eternity. I’m sure I’ll get into this more when I do a post about the Plan of Salvation, but let’s address it a little bit here too.

First of all, baptism is the gate to the Celestial Kingdom. President Joseph Fielding Smith said, regarding the Kingdoms of Glory.” From that quote we understand that anyone (regardless of marital status) can enter the Celestial Kingdom if they accept baptism and strive to keep the associated covenants. Period. It’s not more complex than that.

And just remember how shockingly little we know about the afterlife. We know the basics of the Spirit World, the Judgment, and the Kingdoms of Glory. But what we don’t know is so little compared to what (after)life will be like.

Because of Jesus Christ, there's a place for us all

No Blessing will be Denied the Faithful.
Similar to my previous point, I’ve had friends comment that their lack of desire to get married will hinder their progress in the Celestial Kingdom, keeping them from exaltation. They’ll cite scripture like Alma 34 to assert that because they have no desire to marry, they won’t marry… except that scripture is about repentance (agency), not desires.

In contrast, Howard W. Hunter said, “No blessing, including that of eternal marriage and an eternal family, will be denied to any worthy individual. While it may take somewhat longer—perhaps even beyond this mortal life—for some to achieve this blessing, it will not be denied.” I will assert my belief and my trust in God’s mercy. I believe that as long as we strive for the Celestial Kingdom and to live its divine laws, we will be successful.

You Have a Place in the Church
I feel out of place in many aspects of life for many reasons, few of which are relevant to SSA. But even when I’m having a depressive day and I wish I weren’t at church, there’s a place for me there. From the church’s SSA page, “[LGBT individuals] can make and keep covenants with God and fully and worthily participate in the Church.”

Connected to this principle is repentance again. I know many who feel they are too far gone or, out of desperation, they’ll act out to try to salvage their mental health. But you’re never too far gone; even as you're still working through the repentance process, there's a place for you with us. “If we give in to sexual temptations and violate the law of chastity, we can repent, be forgiven, and participate in full fellowship in the Church.” (Gospel Topics)

Read also:
“Helping Those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction” by Jeffrey R. Holland
“Behold Thy Mother” by Jeffrey R. Holland

Hill Cumorah Pageant (2014)