Celebrity Guest Post #4

*I know many of my non-christian friends might be very confused by how Christians view homosexuality. I wrote this post to a primarily mormon audience and did not defend or address the "why" of our opposition to homosexual marriage or intimacy. If you have any questions, facebook me or email me at ianbaen@gmail.com.*

A few months ago, I told my father that every Friday night I attended a support group for Latter-day saints who experience same gender attraction (SGA). Now, I do attend the group, but I don't experience SGA. I just wanted to see what he would say (and in case your curious, he did handle it very well).

I met Spencer on the last night of our missionary service in Ontario, and have kept in touch since. In August, Spencer told me about his SGA  and, in September, he asked if I would become an advisor to the group I referred to above. These meetings quickly became the most educational and enlightening part of my week.

The group is not affiliated with the church, but the group is founded upon church teachings. It is a place for LDS with SGA who want to live church standards to come and support one another. The role of an advisor is to make sure that the content of the meeting is inline with church doctrine and that inappropriate relationships do not form within group membership. Meetings start with a hymn, prayer, and a lesson. The final hour to hour and a half is reserved for sharing time. Sharing time is time allotted for members of the group to share whatever they want to share. I have heard experiences about everything from pornography addiction, familial abuse, suicide, depression, and intense feelings of lack of self-worth to stories of healing, self-acceptance, deep familial love, and incredible spiritual experiences.

I will share only three of the lessons and stories that highlighted my experience at the group. I choose to share only a small portion of what I could because I can't imagine anyone has a great attention span for the quality of writing a computer science major produces. Oh, and also I told Spencer that I would have this done in February.

No Greater Struggle.
I'm not sure I personally know of a greater struggle than to be a lifelong active mormon and be gay. A short story told by a member of the group illustrated that to me. Gavin (obviously not his real name) told us of the moment when he felt his mother came to understand some of his struggle. One day, he and his mother were in the kitchen talking. His mother mentioned that she never understood how people could call living the gospel a "sacrifice", because every time that a person does something good they are blessed. Gavin then broke into tears and said, "Mom, because of my belief in this gospel, I am going to have to be alone for the rest of my life." I wish I could adequately communicate that moment.

I am not going to try to expand further why this is such an immense trial, but instead challenge you to take a second and ask yourself, "What would that life be like?"

To The Core.
Many of difficulties discussed in the group are far from unique to gay Latter-day Saints. Many in the group fight an extreme lack of self-confidence and lack of self-worth. Your immediate thought to that statement was probably, "That is because their entire lives they have been told that homosexuality is weird, strange, or wrong. They, therefore, deep down think that they are weird, strange, or wrong." I think there is a lot more to it than that; I unfortunately just don't know what.

I wish I could give everyone in that group (and everyone else for that matter) a deep sense of their value. I love the members of that group so much. I wish they could see their own strength, humility, and how amazing they are. They motivate me to be better and to really find happiness in life (the church pounds into our heads that marriage is the source of ultimate mortal happiness, as I think it is. But having to contemplate with them a life without marriage, I have asked myself regularly "Who would I have to be to find deep long-term happiness without marriage?" When I consider that question with a sense of reality, I don't know if I have a good answer). The group has taught me that I can't be really happy until I love myself.

God 
If anyone ever tells you that God doesn't love homosexuals, politely tell them they are absolutely wrong (I had a harsher rebuke, involving words such as "inbred", but my proof reader/dad recommended I not be so mean).

I have only guesses to why such powerful homosexual feelings exist, and yet acting on them is considered sinful. I do not know why God picked certain spirits for certain bodies and trials.

But this I do know, God loves them so much. I have heard their spiritual experiences and have profoundly felt the spirit as they have shared their struggles. In their struggles, God has far from abandoned them.

Knowest thou the condescension of God?
I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.

The White Witch's Mistake

"Did you honestly think that by all this you could save the human traitor? You are giving me your life and saving no one. So much for love." --The White Witch (The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe 2005 movie)

How often do you hear this lie from Satan in regard to the Atonement? How often does he tell you that you 'wasted" the Savior's blood? It's never wasted. The Atonement is always available to save you. And no matter which side you choose, Satan will lose and Christ will win.

I have to wonder what lies Satan told the Savior as He suffered in Gethsemane, as He mocked that night, and as He crucified on Calvary. I imagine it was similar to what the Witch said to Aslan. “So much for love.” I can see Satan whispering to the Savior as He kneeled in Gethsemane, “You are in so much pain and yet they won’t repent. They’re mine anyway. You’re wasting your time. You are suffering and killing Yourself for no good reason.”

I think he also tells each of us the same lies. “You have gone too far. You can’t repent now. It’s too late. You might as well give up. Christ suffered for you and you’ve gone too far; you’ve wasted His blood.”

Narnia has been one of my favorites for years! Aslan being a type of Christ has taught me so much about the Atonement, from something as commonly understood as Aslan sacrificing himself to save Edmund from the White Witch (The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe), to something as intimate for me as Aslan quietly protect Shasta (The Horse and His Boy).

Like Edmund, we have all made mistakes, betrayed those we love, told lies, gotten angry, and said things we didn’t mean. Like Edmund, we have all felt guilt and remorse for those mistakes. And (hopefully) like Edmund, that remorse has pushed us toward humility and repentance in order to make amends for what we’ve done.

Look forward to more Narnia posts. I’ve been hoping to do them for a long while and now it’s just time!

Satan and the Cybermen

So I’ve recently been re-watching pretty much all of Doctor Who with Garrett as he’s still catching up (four seasons in less than a month, that’s impressive). While watching a Season 2 (Tenth Doctor) episode, I had a thought come up. So, just so you’re aware, SPOILER ALERT for season 2.

  

In the two-part episode “Rise of the Cyberman”/”The Age of Steel”, one of the Doctor’s foes from the Classic Doctor Who series is re-introduced. Simply put, Cybermen are robotic humans. Literally. They literally take a human body and put it in a suit of metal. In addition, all emotion is eradicated or inhibited because it is seen as a weakness.

While watching the Cybermen take over London, I couldn’t help but think that Cybermen and their world paradigm is EXACTLY how life would have been under Satan’s plan. That was always the hard question in Sunday school growing up; why was Satan’s plan a bad idea? Why would we reject it? No pain, no death, no sin, and no troubles. Sounds like paradise doesn’t it? Well, after watching the Cybermen… yeah, I can’t quite say that.

One of the goals of the Cybermen is to remove pain (physically, emotionally, etc.), eliminate death, and stop hardship. However, in doing that everyone becomes exactly the same. That’s how I imagine Satan’s plan. Uniform, emotionless, painless, and loveless. No differences in any regard. No variety. Nothing to stretch for. Nothing to strive for.

Something that bothers me about cultural Mormons is the idea that if someone is different in any way, they’re a sinner. This is totally bogus! Just a few weeks ago in General Conference, President Uchtdorf said this during Priesthood Session:

“But while the Atonement is meant to help us all become more like Christ, it is not meant to make us all the same. Sometimes we confuse differences in personality with sin. We can even make the mistake of thinking that because someone is different from us, it must mean they are not pleasing to God. This line of thinking leads some to believe that the Church wants to create every member from a single mold—that each one should look, feel, think, and behave like every other. This would contradict the genius of God, who created every man different from his brother, every son different from his father. Even identical twins are not identical in their personalities and spiritual identities.” (April 2013, “Four Titles”)

As much as I love BYU, sometimes the culture here can come across like this. We have to put on a face. We have to have no struggles. We have to be “perfect Mormons” because we’re at “the Lord’s university”. We have to date. We have to get married. We have to have families. Sadly, not everyone can fit that mold. Nor would I want everyone to fit that mold. We all have struggles. We all have things we’re working on, be it something as “small” as being thoughtless with our words or as “big” as a pornography addiction. We all feel pain. Pain is okay. Pain is good. Recently a friend of mine told me that he had a boyfriend. My heart broke. It seemed to be making him happy… but even he recognized there was an expiration date on that relationship, be in during life or at the end of life. Sure, it would have been easier as a Cyberman; the heart break hurt a lot. However, the pain told me how much I cared for my friend. Heart break is a sign that we have loved. If it didn’t hurt when someone we love goes off the gospel path, when a family member passes away, or when a dear friend moves far away, how much did we really care?

During another Season 2 episode of Doctor Who “School Reunion”, the Doctor’s former companion Sarah Jane Smith says this: “Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love, whether it’s a world or a relationship.” I love that. Pain and loss define us as much as happiness or love. If I had not been teased, excluded, and hurt during middle school and high school, would I be able to appreciate my best friend Garrett? If I had never been hurt and teased, how could I be caring and sympathetic to those around me?

I’ve read a quote that I’ve been unable to find a source for, but I think it describes some of my feelings here: “The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do.”

The scriptures also teach this principle: “And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.” (D&C 122:7)

Satan’s plan, like the Cybermen’s plans, would have removed pain, hurt, and sin, but it would have also removed love, happiness, and joy. It gives me a new sense of understanding of Lehi’s counsel to his son, “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my firstborn in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility.” (2 Nephi 2:11)

Supermom

So with Mother’s Day having happened this Sunday, I want to shamelessly do a post about how amazing my mother is. She is amazing to me because of all the things she’s done for me and all the things that she has taught me both directly and through her example.

Let’s start off with her ability to love and sacrifice for others. I remember countless times that she would go out of her way to serve others. I remember that when I was a junior in high school she had a brother in the ward over for dinner each night while his wife was in the hospital after breaking her leg. She knew he was going through a hard enough time that he didn’t need to worry about making dinner for himself each night as well.

She is a champion at putting others first! Before she married my dad, she worked as a single mom to provide for herself and for my sister. I’m sure there were many others things she would have rather done than to be a bartender (though she quit that job shortly after joining the church). As long as I was at home, she was always there. It means a lot to me that she was there when I got home from school. She was there on the days when I came home crying because I was bullied. When I had had enough of it at school, she was there to come pick me up and bring me home, somewhere I could feel safe. Until my little brother (Tyler) was in school, she never worked outside the home. We were her top priority. And it wasn’t until Tyler was only a few years from graduating high school that she went back to college when she was fifty to earn her nursing degree. And I would say the only reason she even works outside the home is so that she can pay for trips for our family to get together, since we’re spread out (my sister lives in Colorado, my brother lives in Idaho, I’m in Utah, and the other three kids are in Alberta still), because her family is what has always mattered to her.

She is an example of AMAZING faith. I love the story of the Stripling Warriors for many reasons, but I love it because like them, I learned to have faith from my mother. She has gone through so much in her life. She went through a divorce, worked as a single mom, joined the church, moved from New York to Alberta to marry my dad, endured five C-sections to bring my brothers and I into this world, and she lived on with great faith when she lost one of her children, my baby brother Jay. I was only about 20-months-old when Jay was born/died, but I know how hard it was on my mom. It still affects her. But she lives on because she has faith that because she was married to my dad in the Washington DC Temple on July 17, 1984 that she still has Jay and the rest of us, no matter what happens. She parented me, my brothers, and my sister. She has learned with us as she has taught us. She has learned to followed the Spirit and be an instrument in the hands of the Lord.

I have seen her cry. I have seen her heart break when her children who live far away (me, my brother, and my sister) leave after a vacation or a visit. I have seen her sob when saying goodbye to me as I entered the MTC. She is full of love. She is my angel. She is my hero. I love my mom and I want to be as faithful as she is. She knows what it means to be a disciple of Jesus Christ and that’s how she lives. There is no one that she doesn’t love, because that’s just who she is.