Thursday, January 10, 2013

Real Men Cry


I’ve always been a bit of an emotional person. In the past I’ve been kind of shameful about how emotional I can be… all the days I left high school in tears, waiting to be comforted by my parents. As if I didn’t have enough social problems, I let myself look vulnerable by doing the least manly thing possible in front of my peers: shed a tear (or many).

Last night reminded me of this. After having a good appointment with my therapist yesterday morning, I was left emotionally vulnerable. As a result, comments from someone at work and then someone at dinner set me off and put me into tears. Neither of those people meant their words in a malicious way, but with my emotional state at the time, I was susceptible to hurt.

In talking to my anonymous pal that has been commenting on my blog (well, he’s not anonymous to me anymore), we’ll call him “Alex”, he mentioned to me a scripture study project he’d done in which he read through the four Gospels and outlined what a real man is like, based on the actions and reactions of the perfect man, Jesus Christ. To not much surprise, not much (if anything) that he recorded from this study coincided with what the world believes a man is.

In reference to the day I’d had, Alex mentioned John 11:35. A quick bit of background on the scripture: Lazarus, a close friend of the Savior, had died. Though I think He knew He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead, I’m sure His heart broke because those He loved (Mary and Martha) were heartbroken about their brother’s death. Even though Martha had expressed faith in the Plan of Salvation (particularly the resurrection—verse 24), it was painful for her to think that she would never see, speak to, or hug her brother again in this life.

The Savior was able to cry and weep. And He is the perfect “manly” man. Why shouldn’t I be able to? Yes, I need to keep tabs on my emotions and not be crying all the time. But there is nothing wrong with needing to weep and cry it out when I have a bad day.

After the whole crying episode happened last night, my roommate Alejandro said to me, kind of jokingly to cheer me up, “Boys don’t cry.” My reply to him was simple, “Men do.”

5 comments:

  1. It's incredible isn't it? We are taught to imitate the perfect example of our Savior, and yet so often we shy away from things that the most perfect Man who has ever lived did, for fear of appearing something less than masculine. True masculinity is love, compassion, service, genuine concern for the welfare of others, sympathy, empathy, gentleness, and this list could go on and on. There is no shame in showing emotion; Christ certainly did. Beautiful post, Spencer!

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    1. James/"Alex", thanks for teaching me this lesson :)

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    2. I definitely agree. Being a man means finding a healthy balance between being the warrior/protector, and at the same time being a man of gentleness and kindness. In effect, masculinity involves the whole human spectrum of emotion. The Lord did that same thing; He felt joy, sorrow, and all the feelings that we do. Our God is such an incredible God for willing to submit Himself to all the stuff we feel, and more.

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  2. (Mr. IDM here) Thank you for impressing this fact upon our minds. "Jesus wept" , all men do, some hide it and some are ashamed which IS a shame. I am really enjoying reading your blogs (spencer & Alex - several others who's blogs we have recently found). - thank you for your insights, mrs. IDM & I sure enjoy reading your blogs and receive strength, and feel inspired to 'keep truckin' ( that's an famous old phrase from the 70's - lol)

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    1. Thank you, Mr. IDM. :) I try. And I'm trying to do what I can to inspire hope in others... I had a female friend text me today after reading this post. It reminded me that women are told they are supposed to be "big girls" and not cry either. In general, our culture and our society has a negative view on emotions period. We're told to just suffocate them and that just makes us numb.

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I have one rule: Be nice! That's all :)