What About

The world gives us every reason to be sad. The gospel, however, gives us every reason so rejoice. That's what this song is about, to me. The pictures are just anything that makes me happy. :) The song is "What About" by Peter Breinholt from the EFY 2000 CD. :)

Light on the Horizon

Hey! Just a small post for today. I was looking at my blog and I felt like I wanted a new banner for my blog. I absolutely love the picture of me and President Brower that I'd used for my banner for a while after I got back (it's been my Facebook profile picture pretty much the whole time I've been back and it will stay that way until I'm cleared to return). Instead of that, I decided to use this sunset picture. I took this picture as I was coming out of the Provo Temple one evening. I don't know how, but last semester, I had a habit of coming out of the temple at the PERFECT moments to see the PERFECT sunsets.

I chose this for my new banner because I can now see the light on the horizon. For those of you who are wondering if this means I'm now officially going back, the answer is NO. Trust me, it'll be VERY obvious when I post about that. I'm planning on titling that post as "Called to Serve... Again". Anyway, it's time to get back on topic.

Last week, I had an appointment with LDS Family Services (the 5th I've had... I think) and amongst other topics my counselor (Brother Gibbons) told me that once March rolls around, he wants to start working on me applying to return to my mission after this semester is over.

But no matter what's going on in our lives, we can always see the light if we try. Though we may be in a dark tunnel of trials, if we focus on our Savior and His atoning sacrifice and move forward with faith (as I mentioned in my last post), we can always have hope (see Ether 12:4). Even as I write this, I feel very hypocritical because this is something I need to work on, but in my heart I know this is true.

Forward with Faith

This song is from the EFY 2000 CD. This song is called Forward with Faith (hence the title of this post). I first heard this song while I was on my mission and I love it! There are some specific words from the chorus that I love: "Fear is like the clouds that veil the Earth from the sun. Faith is like the morning rays that break when night is done. And though the fear inside me says that all my hope is gone, faith in Heaven lifts me up and shouts "I've just begun!""

For those who don't know, I am fully fledged on getting back on my mission, though I don't know exactly when or how that's going to happen. It's definitely not happening before next May (I'm going to a semester of school first) but I'm positive it's going to happen. However, sometimes the adversary will get at me and try to get me to doubt my ability to serve again. To that, my faith lifts me and shouts "I've just begun!" I still have a lot of work to do, and I'm not giving up!!! I will keep fighting until this war against sin is over!

Locked Out

During the last week that I was in the Heart Lake ward on my mission, I had one of my anxiety attacks (one of the ones that ended up bringing me home). Because I wasn’t able to work, because of the anxiety attack, my companion (Elder Call… you’ll probably hear a lot about him) took me to the temple grounds, since the temple has a calming effect on me. However, since this was a Monday, the temple was closed and the gate into the temple grounds was locked.

After the stress that I’d had, I had really been looking forward to being on the temple grounds on that day, but the most of my body I could get onto the temple grounds was the front of my foot. However, I got a little bit of an interesting insight from this experience.

After finding myself locked out of the temple grounds, I promised myself that when I got to the gates of the Celestial Kingdom, I would not be locked out. I’ll do whatever it takes to ensure that I won’t be trying to sneak my foot under the gate, just so that part of me is in the Celestial Kingdom. I will live worthy to gain entrance to the kingdom of my Father.

(The photo at the beginning of this post is a picture I took of the Toronto Temple that night, when I was locked out)

Be Still and Know

Today was a little bit of a hard day for me (for some reason). I think it was because I didn't sleep very well last night. Regardless, it's just after 10 PM now and I felt about as worn out as I could possibly feel and the noise at my apartment was suddenly too much. I closed my computer, turned on a specific song on my iPod and really took in the words. They touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. Here they are:

Be still and know that He is God.

Be still and know that He is holy.

Be still, oh restless soul of mine,

Bow before the prince of peace

And let the noise and clamber cease

Be still and know that He is God.

Be still and know that He is faithful.

Consider all that He has done.

Stand in awe and be amazed.

Know that He will never change.

Be still.

Be still and know that He is God.

Be still and know that He is God.

Be still and know that He is God.

Be still.

Be speechless.

Be still and know that He is God.

Be still and know He is our Father.

Come rest your head upon His breast.

Listen to the rhythm of

His unfailing heart of love

Beating for the little ones

Bidding each of us to come

Be still.

The imagery of that last part... "Come rest your head upon His breast. Listen to the rhythm of His unfailing heart of love"... that's what I needed, I think. The image in my mind of being held in the arms of my Heavenly Father in my times of trial... It's what I desire the most right now... I know that as I follow His will, I'll make it to where I will be able to be held in His arms one day.

--Spencer