Why Do I Do This?

Why do I do this? Why do I do what I do? Why do I go to church? Why do I do my home teaching? Why do I pay my tithing? Why do I keep the Law of Chastity?

This semester I am blessed to be in a families in world religions class. This week we had a guest speaker talked about Protestantism. Now I listen to a lot of Christian radio (kLOVE is always preset on my car radio) but something he said really struck me.

I knew from growing up around evangelicals that most Christian religions outside Mormonism and Catholicism don't prioritize baptism or works. In fact I was used to hearing those black baptist stereotypes from mission stories praising God because they were saved. I've definitely been one to get lost in the faith vs. works argument and being a perfectionist a lot of that argument was between me and myself in my head.

Thankfully I'm not much of a perfectionist anymore (though I still have my moments). However, as the guest speaker was talking I had a lot of perfectionist friends in mind as he talked about grace. He presented the faith and works scenario in a way that I'd never thought of before. He pointed out that Catholicism (and I'd add many people in Mormonism) view grave and works like this: Faith + good works = salvation. I liked his take on it though: Faith = salvation + good works. He even referenced King Benjamin's people as evidence of this  (having grown up with an LDS best friend and now living in Utah he knows a bit about Mormonism).

I talked to him after the lecture and I have to agree! Why am I doing what I'm doing? Am I doing it to be saved? If so, why? The Savior has already paid the price for my sins and the scriptures say that it's through His merits that I'm saved. What do any of these "good works" matter?

They matter because I love God. How would my life be different if the reason I kept the commandments and did everything I'm "supposed to do" was because I love God?

A year ago I was in a bad place spiritually. I was wrapped up in a thick blanket of insecurity and addiction. Want to know what pulled me out? It was because I finally let God in. I stopped trying to do it and I let Him take control.

Back to the guest speaker, what's my motivation? We talk in the church about "enduring to the end". The guest speaker noted the miserable connotation surrounding that. How many times have I heard members of the church upset because they feel they HAVE to live the gospel or they HAVE to go to church. The people I know who live like this... Miserable.

How would my life be different if I wanted to do all these things? If I want to go to the temple, it's a joy, not a chore. If I want to live the commandments (because I love God enough to trust in His methods), I will find joy in my life, instead of feeling restricted or oppressed.

Living the gospel will never be a chore again if I can keep the love of God in focus. I know why I do what I do. I don't HAVE to keep the commandments, I GET to live the way my Heavenly Father knows will bring me happiness.

To My Friends Who Cannot Take the Sacrament

At times as I pass the sacrament, I notice that some individuals opt not to partake. I remember as a youth with a pornography addiction that I was scared of someone seeing that I wouldn't take the sacrament. What would they think? Surely they'd judge me, right? Certainly word could get around the whole ward that I was a horrid sinner who had gotten himself in deep enough in sin that he wasn't to take the sacrament. These thoughts did not come from God. They came from the adversary, trying to persuade me to continue in self-hate, which only drove me further into addiction.

I've learned a lot about the sacrament (and particularly not partaking of it) since high school when my addiction has flared up anew. If I do not take the sacrament because of a relapse, it's not because the Lord wants me to feel worthless. It's because He loves me and wants me to be free of condemnation.

Where I am now, understanding the sacrament as I now understand it, I know that this "restriction" from taking the sacrament is a step of the repentance process. It's an expression of His love for you as His child.

To my friends who are unable to partake of the sacrament: God loves you. You matter to Him. If I see you unable to partake of the sacrament, my first instinct is to pray for you. You are worthy of God's love and I pray that you are able to feel that and that you are soon able to partake of the sacrament again. Keep coming to church! Don't give up! My friend, I love you. If you feel discouraged, remember that you have at least one friend praying for you.

Here Am I

For those who haven't heard, my plans to be an EFY counselor this summer didn't work out. For the sake of this post, what you need to know is that they wanted to change my assignment away from being a counselor and I felt it a better use of my summer to pursue employment elsewhere if I wasn't going to be a counselor.

For those who know me, you'll understand that this was heart breaking for me. I went to EFY four times and it was the highlight of my year each time. I've wanted to be a counselor since I was a participant. However, in the short time since I got the "bad" news, I have learned an important lesson about surrendering my will to the Lord.

I suppose there is some irony in the fact that this is happening to me this year. The theme for EFY this year is "Here Am I", focusing on a scripture from the story of Samuel in the Old Testament making himself available to God, in whatever way God needed him.

In the 12-step program of the church (and other similar groups), the third step is "Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ." When I first started learning about the 12 steps, my mind only applied this to addictive behaviors. However, it applies to more than that. It applies to relationships, schooling, employment and more.

In reference to what happened with EFY, I won't lie, it's been a challenge I surrender that to God. Just like with my mission, I wanted to serve God and His children. So why are things not working out? I'm sure I still have some grieving of this change to come, but I have felt the Lord reassure me that I will be where He needs me. Just as the EFY theme for this year states, "here am I" for God to use as He needs.

This blog is titled "For a Wise Purpose" for a reason. When I was first waiting for my mission call, over five years ago, I wasn't sure I would be able to serve a mission at all. That's when I came across Words of Mormon 1:7 for the first time I can recollect. I don't pretend to know why God does what He does. Maybe there's something I'm supposed to learn at my job this summer that I wouldn't have learned at EFY? Maybe EFY would have been too physically and emotionally tiring for me? Maybe my future wife is in my ward this summer, but she won't be in the fall? I don't know. All I know is that He loves me, He loves you, and He doesn't do anything without our greater good in mind.

Already I can see Him blessing me and putting the pieces together. Within 24 after getting the news from EFY, I had a room secured in the house I'll be living in this fall and I found out that I could have a job interview within a week after I return from Spain. I'm not looking for proof of Him, but to me this is His way of reminding me that He's there. The snow globe gets shaken up and then the snow looks as equally beautiful as before.

It is my testimony that He watches over us. He blesses us. He loves us. He wants us to be happy. That is our purpose for being here on earth (2 Nephi 2:25) and if we allow Him to, He can help us be happier than we ever thought possible.

Letters from Spain (3)

Well, the day is almost here. I fly home on Wednesday from Spain. I'm sure I'll miss this beautiful country, but I'm happy to be going home and to start the next adventure in my life. I didn't get what I wanted out of my study abroad, but I have a feeling I got what my Heavenly Father wanted me to get out of it. That seems to be a theme in my life. The last two months have stretched me in ways that I didn't expect. I have definitely been taught a great deal about trusting in the Lord above trusting in men. Social anxiety, homesickness, language barriers, and insane employment surprises (I'll write more about that situation and what I've learned later).

From this place of introspection and reflection, I want to share my testimony as I get ready to leave Spain. I know that God lives. I know He cares for me. I know He hears my prayers. I know that He can provide miracles when I have faith, though they're rarely the miracle I expect. At least three times during my study abroad I've received comfort as a result of prayer from unexpected sources.

I know that the atonement of Jesus Christ exists to cleanse me of my sins. In addition, He is there to comfort me when no mortal person can. He is my Older Brother and I have felt His tender embrace when I've needed it most. He is here to bless me and support me when I cannot take another step.

Whoever you are reading this, thank you for being part of my life. You are a gift from God to me, whether we're close friends or we don't know each other.

I testify of these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

La Plaza de España en Sevilla

Cartas de España (3)

Pues, el día casi llega. El miércoles, me voy de España. Estoy seguro que extrañaré ese país bonito, pero estoy feliz que iré a casa y que empezaré la próxima aventura en mi vida. No conseguí lo que esperaba de mi estudio en España., pero me siento que conseguí lo que mi Padre Celestial quisiera. Me parece que eso sea un tema en mi vida. Estos dos meses, he crecido en vías que no esperaba. He aprendido mucho de confiar en Dios antes de los hombres. Ansiedad social, extrañando para hogar, el lenguaje, y sorpresas locas de trabajo (voy a escribir luego más de esta situación y lo que he aprendido).

De este lugar de introspección y recolección, quiero compartir mi testimonio mientras preparándome para salir de España. Yo sé que Dios vive. Yo sé que me cuida. Yo sé que escucha mis oraciones. Yo sé que puede darme milagros cuando tenga fe, sin embargo raramente son los milagros que espero. Por lo menos, tres veces durante mi tiempo en España, he recibido apoyo por orar de personas no esperadas.

Yo sé que la expiación de Jesucristo existe para limpiarme de mis pecados. Más, Él está allá para darme paz cuando no persona mortal pueda. Es mi Hermano Mayor y he sentido Sus brazos cariñosos cuando los he necesitado lo más. Está aquí para bendecirme y apoyarme cuando yo no pueda caminar más.

No importa quién eres tú, gracias por ser parte de mi vida. Eres una bendición de Dios, si somos amigos o si no nos conocemos.

Yo testifico de estas cosas en el nombre de Jesucristo. Amén.

Granada