Back to Basics: Same-Sex Attraction

Disclaimer: These “Back to Basics” posts are not meant to convert anyone who has left the church or wants to leave the church. My intent with these posts is to relay correct principles, as taught by the church, and to weed out myth, culture, and misunderstandings. For those who have honest questions and want to stay in the church, these blog posts are for you.

So my plan with these “Back to Basics” posts was to go through the missionary lessons and highlight gospel principles there first (that’s where we start investigators, after all) but since my blog has been about same-sex attraction primarily for over a decade, I decided it might be good to start there instead.

My Voices of Hope video shoot (2013)

Myths abound regarding same-sex attraction and LGBT issues. I won’t go into all of them (because they’re probably endless), but I’ll debunk a couple now by starting with truths:

• People do not choose to be gay or to be attracted to someone of the same sex.
• We do NOT know the cause of same-sex attraction. Nature or nurture? We don’t know.
• Homosexual feelings are NOT related to pedophilia.

Now that I’ve addressed what isn’t, let’s talk about what the church has actually said on the matter. For any quotes that are not directly cited, you can assume they’re from the Church’s official page regarding same-sex attraction.

The Law of Chastity

Elder M. Russell Ballard said, “Let us be clear: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believes that ‘the experience of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people. The attraction itself is not a sin but acting on it is.”

“Sexual relations are reserved for a man and woman who are married and promise complete loyalty to each other.” (Gospel Topics) Therefore, acting against the Law of Chastity, heterosexually or homosexually, would be considered sinful. However, we all make mistakes, so it’s important to remember repentance. “People of any sexual orientation who violate the law of chastity can be reconciled with God through repentance. As followers of Christ, we resist immoral behavior and strive to become like Him.” (Gospel Topics) I take comfort in that.. Regardless of my mistakes, I can do better and strive to become like Jesus Christ.

My wedding day (2017)

Another important thing to mention: Heterosexual marriage should NEVER be used as a way to “fix” same-sex attraction. Men and women have tried that for decades with heartbreaking results. That being said, I’ve seen others, who were seemingly exclusive in their attractions to the same sex, marry in the temple to an eternal companion they love. And those marriages are beautiful as they’re “founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ” and “maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” (The Family)

We Don’t Know What Causes Same-Sex Attraction
“Born that way” is a trendy way to describe the source of homosexual feelings. However, there’s no evidence to support that it’s inherent. We also know, as mentioned above, that same-sex attraction isn’t a choice (why would someone choose to live a harder life fraught with discrimination and misunderstanding?). Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, “The Church does not have a position on the causes of any of these susceptibilities or inclinations, including those related to same-gender attraction.” My personal opinion, the answer must be somewhere in the middle of nature and nurture. After all, sexuality has been known to be fluid. That’s why you get jokes in sitcoms about women “experimenting in college”. 

What does that mean for us? Honestly, it doesn’t mean anything to me. I know many people who get hung up on whether they’re born that way or whether it’s caused by abuse or other childhood experiences. It doesn’t matter though, as far as the gospel path is concerned. Even if you’re born gay, the Law of Chastity is still the Law of Chastity. It doesn’t change anything; according to gospel teachings, we’re still commanded to live a chaste life. Related concept: “The intensity of your attractions may not be in your control; however, you can choose how to respond.”

The Plan of Salvation is for You
Too many times have I heard SSA friends make remarks regarding their placement in the eternities. Too many comments implying that they’re destined for the Telestial Kingdom or to be ministering angels for all eternity. I’m sure I’ll get into this more when I do a post about the Plan of Salvation, but let’s address it a little bit here too.

First of all, baptism is the gate to the Celestial Kingdom. President Joseph Fielding Smith said, regarding the Kingdoms of Glory.” From that quote we understand that anyone (regardless of marital status) can enter the Celestial Kingdom if they accept baptism and strive to keep the associated covenants. Period. It’s not more complex than that.

And just remember how shockingly little we know about the afterlife. We know the basics of the Spirit World, the Judgment, and the Kingdoms of Glory. But what we don’t know is so little compared to what (after)life will be like.

Because of Jesus Christ, there's a place for us all

No Blessing will be Denied the Faithful.
Similar to my previous point, I’ve had friends comment that their lack of desire to get married will hinder their progress in the Celestial Kingdom, keeping them from exaltation. They’ll cite scripture like Alma 34 to assert that because they have no desire to marry, they won’t marry… except that scripture is about repentance (agency), not desires.

In contrast, Howard W. Hunter said, “No blessing, including that of eternal marriage and an eternal family, will be denied to any worthy individual. While it may take somewhat longer—perhaps even beyond this mortal life—for some to achieve this blessing, it will not be denied.” I will assert my belief and my trust in God’s mercy. I believe that as long as we strive for the Celestial Kingdom and to live its divine laws, we will be successful.

You Have a Place in the Church
I feel out of place in many aspects of life for many reasons, few of which are relevant to SSA. But even when I’m having a depressive day and I wish I weren’t at church, there’s a place for me there. From the church’s SSA page, “[LGBT individuals] can make and keep covenants with God and fully and worthily participate in the Church.”

Connected to this principle is repentance again. I know many who feel they are too far gone or, out of desperation, they’ll act out to try to salvage their mental health. But you’re never too far gone; even as you're still working through the repentance process, there's a place for you with us. “If we give in to sexual temptations and violate the law of chastity, we can repent, be forgiven, and participate in full fellowship in the Church.” (Gospel Topics)

Read also:
“Helping Those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction” by Jeffrey R. Holland
“Behold Thy Mother” by Jeffrey R. Holland

Hill Cumorah Pageant (2014)

Teach Them Correct Principles

A few months ago, before I started writing here again, I met with my bishop and stake president in an effort to bring support to LGBT members of the Church in our area and to their families, who might have questions. As I’ve pondered what I might say to members of the stake, I keep coming back to a quote by the Prophet Joseph Smith: “I teach them correct principles and they govern themselves.”

There’s something to be said for going back to the basics. It’s my opinion that we need to forget about the prescribed application of the commandments (i.e. Is my Dr. Pepper against the Word of Wisdom or not?”) and we need to think about why the commandments are given. What is the principle behind the commandment? 

In almost 200 years of the Restored Church, cultural misunderstandings of gospel principles have crept in from other sects, from politics, from activist parties, etc. We’ve parroted things in Sunday School and seminary classes that we’ve heard over the years to the point we believe that it’s doctrine, despite not being spoken by the prophets (ancient or modern). 

So, in my upcoming series of “Back to Basics” blog posts, I want to break down gospel principles into what has actually been said, complete with sources. It is my belief that a correct understanding of God's plan—even if there are parts yet to be revealed—will help us to live joyful, fulfilling lives on the covenant path. 

Read also: “Conversion to the Will of God” by Elder Quentin L. Cook 

2022: Year in Review

Back when I was actually writing on this blog consistently(ish), I had tried to continue a family tradition of reflecting on the previous year and look ahead into the new year. So now, five years since the last time I did this, I'm back at it again.

Neatest Place You were in 2022

We didn't go a lot of places this year, thanks to working off some loans from physical therapy school. However we did make it up to Oklahoma with my wife's family. It's the second year we've gone and I had more fun this year than last. Always a blessing to see my little girl with her cousins.

Biggest Surprise of the Year

I'm not sure if it was the "biggest" surprise but it's had some long lasting consequences.  In June, I was transferred to the other clinic to replace someone. So learning to adapt to another clinic (even in the same company) was a stretch. I'm pleased to report I have adapted and I think I've grown from it too.

Best Movie/TV Show You Watched

I've narrowed it to my top three. Although many people didn't like it, I loved She-Hulk (except for part of the finale, which I talk about here). It was a breath of fresh air from normal Marvel content. There was also the Obi-Wan Kenobi series, beautifully returning us to Ewan McGregor's character and illustrating the trauma Obi-Wan had to deal with as he tried to hide out as "Ben". Lastly, I finally got into Star Trek with Strange New Worlds. It was a good beginner series for Star Trek and I'm sure it made my trekkie father proud.

Saddest Day/Time in 2022

My parents came to visit us in Texas for a week and a half this summer. It was wonderful to see my little girl playing with Gramma and Papa. One of the nice things about living in Texas is that we get my parents all to ourselves. They even got to babysit while Caren and I went to our full anatomy ultrasound. Sometimes we'll still get chatter of "Gramma n' Papa's camper". So as wonderful as their visit was, their departure was that much sadder. It's always hard to say goodbye to loved ones, so I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say that goodbye was among the saddest days of the year.

Happiest Day/Time in 2022

In June, there was a day that I was at work and Caren called me with our pregnancy test blood work results. With the happy news on my mind, I was pretty much bouncing around the clinic for the rest of the day! Can't get much happier than that!

Best Book/Magazine You’ve Read

My friend Preston Jenkins (referenced in a General Conference talk by Elder Holland) wrote a book about his experience with his missionary service and his same-sex attraction (sound familiar?). Because of the similarities in our stories, particularly with coming home early from our missions, this book nearly brought me to tears more than once. I had to be careful listening to the audiobook too close to work. And then I got a hard-copy of the book for Christmas! Here's the Amazon link if you're interested. Also check out Preston's Voices of Hope video and his podcast (though he's currently on hiatus with the podcast).

Things you will remember from the news

If you know me, you'll know I avoid the news (they just catastrophize everything... hard to trust them). The news of Jason David Frank passing broke my heart though. For those who don't remember him, he was the original green Power Ranger. What's worse than his passing is the possibility that it was suicide (I didn't hear whether that was ever confirmed or not). I wrote a tribute to JDF for LDS Geeks, but I just want to say here that I detest suicide. It doesn't make anything better. So if you're struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide, tell someone. Please open up.

Favorite Talk in Church/Conference

April 2022 had some wonderful talks about missionary work. To be honest, they were triggering for me, after my experiences on my mission. And the comments online about the "expectations" to serve a mission, even more of a trigger, but I stand by the words of President Nelson and President Ballard. To read more about my thoughts regarding the April 2022 talks, check out what I wrote on LDS Geeks.

What would you like to do in 2023?

Baby girl coming later this month or in February (duh). But besides the obvious, pending finances, maybe a trip to Utah? We might be taking another trip to Oklahoma this summer. Mostly I'm just excited for family and friends to visit for baby girl's blessing in a few months.

Joy to the World

Joy to the world! the Lord is come;

Let Earth receive her King;

Let every heart prepare him room,

And heaven and nature sing,

And heaven and nature sing,

And heaven, and heaven, and nature sing.

Last time I wrote here, I said “I’m staying”. This time I wanted to share one of the reasons why. 

In speaking to the youth in my ward recently, I shared about my experiences and beliefs about myself because of my SSA. I thought the only feasible route to be happy would be to leave the covenant path. But I learned that my testimony and the Spirit brought me too much peace and joy to leave behind. So I’m staying because of the joy the gospel brings.  

One of the times I feel that joy more strongly is leading up to Christmas. The holiday season is a time when people are thinking about the Savior, even if they don’t realize it or believe it. The spirit of Christmas is the joy I receive from bearing my testimony and living the gospel. 

I’m not sure how Christmas will be for me on a budget (I’m not getting any new toys) but I get to experience the joy of my daughter’s Christmas. To find joy in simple or mundane things is so childlike, something we’re instructed to become. Through the atonement and covenants we make, we can become childlike again and feel the joy Heavenly Father offers us. 

This Christmas season I’m grateful for the gift of the atonement. The gift of repentance. The gift of divine transformation. I’m not who I was and that’s good. I hope He continues to transform me so that I can let in more joy that I know He wants to share with me. 

Rejoice! Rejoice when Jesus reigns,

And Saints their songs employ,

While fields and floods, rocks, hills, and plains

Repeat the sounding joy,

Repeat the sounding joy,

Repeat, repeat the sounding joy. 

I'm Still Here and I'm Staying

Does anyone still follow my blog or check my posts? In the past few years, I felt less need write about matters relating to same-sex attraction, and after joining the team of Mormon Geeks (now called Latter-Day Saint Geeks), my gospel writing kind of went there. But, hi! I’m still alive! 

That being said, I had to say something. I've seen posts on social media regarding BYU, For the Strength of Youth, etc.; and I just feel like I have more to say regarding the gospel, my testimony, and the covenants I've made. There’s more missionary work to be done within the Church regarding same-sex attraction.

To be clear; what I have to say in this and future posts isn't intended for those who have left the Church or even for those who are questioning their testimonies. If you fall into that category, I hope you can still find something positive and uplifting from what I say, even if it doesn't apply to you. What I have to say is for those who are trying with all their hearts to stay in the Church, despite their doubts and questions.

October 2022 was ten years since my initial "coming out" blog post. I wanted to do a big ole blog post to commemorate that crazy milestone. Unfortunately, life happened and the anniversary passed. In the process of it all, I read some of my old blog posts from the past ten years. Being 10 years more mature now, I expected to feel super cringey reading my old stuff. Yes, there was definitely some cringe, but my testimony has only grown. And I stand by what I've said, though I could articulate it better now.

So what’s the point?

The point is simple: I'm staying.

When I was in New York a few years ago, my friends and I saw a Harry Potter parody play called "Puffs". During the Battle of Hogwarts, our beloved Hufflepuffs nearly ran out of the castle because they didn't think they were good enough to fight the Death Eaters. But Leanne, possibly the biggest "Puff" of them all, declared that despite their shortcomings, she was staying. And one by one they began sounding off: "I'm a Puff and I'm staying."

If the Puffs can stand up against Death Eaters, I can stand by my testimony. So here I am: I'm a Puff and I'm staying! And to anyone else who’s staying, I hope my experiences and future blog posts can help strengthen you.

"I'm a Puff and I'm staying."

The Time the Primary Program Made Me Cry

Ever since we got married, Caren and i have been primary teachers. Often it’s anxiety provoking for me, as 5-7 year olds are often the definition of chaos. The last couple weeks have been eye opening for me though, as we’ve prepared for the primary program.

I haven’t been in a primary program since 2002 and I haven’t even seen a primary program since 2008. In the past 10 years since, lots has happened and lots of pain has been felt. At times this has complicated my testimony, as it’s been mixed with culture and doubt, and I’ve had to learn my way around it. The gospel is simple though. Simple enough for 3 and 4 year olds to bear testimony of it.

A couple songs in particular struck me...

If the Savior stood beside me,
would I do the things I do?
Would I think of His commandments,
and try harder to be true?
Would I follow His example?
Would I live more righteously
if I could see the Savior standing nigh,
watching over me?

If the Savior stood beside me,
would I say the things I say?
Would my words be true and kind
if He was never far away?
Would I try to share the gospel?
Would I speak more rev’rently
if I could see the Savior standing nigh,
watching over me?

He is always near me,
though I do not see Him there,
And because He loves me dearly,
I am in His watchful care.
So I’ll be the kind of person
that I know I’d like to be
if I could see the Savior standing nigh,
watching over me.

(“If the Savior Stood Beside Me”)

The last verse particularly struck me. As I’ve gone through “adult trials” and questions of faith, I’ve wondered if God knew me or, if He did, does He care about me? This verse reminds me that He knows me, He loves me, and (as I was reminded in a poignant priesthood blessing 9 years ago) He’s watching over me.

I’m trying to be like Jesus;
I’m following in his ways.
I’m trying to love as he did, in all that I do and say.
At times I am tempted to make a wrong choice,
But I try to listen as the still small voice whispers,
“Love one another as Jesus loves you.
Try to show kindness in all that you do.
Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought,
For these are the things Jesus taught.”

I’m trying to love my neighbor;
I’m learning to serve my friends.
I watch for the day of gladness when Jesus will come again.
I try to remember the lessons he taught.
Then the Holy Spirit enters into my thoughts, saying:
“Love one another as Jesus loves you.
Try to show kindness in all that you do.
Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought,
For these are the things Jesus taught.”

(“I’m Trying to be Like Jesus”)

The chorus strikes me here. In many ways, this is as complicated the gospel really is. “Love one another” and “show kindness”. After all, didn’t the Savior say the two great commandments were to love God and our neighbors? Whether it’s missionary work or political views, doesn’t everything essentially come down to loving as Jesus loves? He loved sinners, as He corrected them. He loved his friend, as He mourned with them. He loved His killers, as He was murdered.

So I want to add my testimony to the primary kids. I know He's my Father and I know He loves me.

More Than You Think

"You can do more than you think."

About seven years ago I was at a turning point in my life. I had been home from my mission for several months and I had no indication I'd be returning any time soon. Depending on the day, my self-confidence was shaky, to put it lightly.

My roommate decided to go for a run and on a whim I joined him. Running up 9th East in Provo was a bit difficult. Nevermind that I hadn't run in months, but I don't know if I had ever run so uphill. So somewhere around Wymount Terrace I was feeling out of breath.

I slowed my run to a walk and struggled to go any faster. Tired. Cramping. I felt done for the day.

My roommate turned around and shouted encouragement to keep going. I remember only once sentence of it. "You can do more than you think."

I've worked hard enough and met enough people now that I know better than to think I'm alone; I'm not the only one with low self-esteem or disabling beliefs: "I don't matter", "I'm not enough", "I'm no one". Everyone has limitations. Everyone has beliefs that hold them back. Dismissing them is easier said than done though.

In my experience it takes someone more powerful than me to get rid of those debilitating beliefs. This brings to mind a song by one of my favorite Christian artists (I have several, so the favorite favorite changes based on the day):

I'm more than you dreamed

More than you understand

Your days and your times

Were destined for our dance

I catch all your tears

Burn your name on my heart

Be still and trust my plan

I'm more than you think I am

Don't downplay the Grace of Jesus Christ. As Elder Hafen said, "The Savior's atonement is thus portrayed as the healing power not only for sin, but also for carelessness, inadequacy, and all mortal bitterness. The Atonement is not just for sinners."

2016: Year in Review

A bit late this year (not surprising since I’ve neglected this blog in favor of Mormon Geeks for a lot of last year), but despite the “tragedy” that was 2016, I had a good year. So it’s worth going back over.

Neatest Place You were in 2016

I had a lot of great adventures this year. Disneyland was amazing of course, especially with my little niece and nephew. I also always love the Sacred Grove. As far as new places, I went to Oregon/Washington for a retreat and that was wonderful. Granted, I didn’t see a lot outside that retreat, but that was good. I also took a spur of the moment trip out to Virginia/DC which was thrilling for me. Great to see some amazing friends and visit the DC temple, where my parents were married 33.5 years ago.

Biggest Surprise of the Year

I had many big surprises this year that were a bit too personal to share online. One that I will share is how I surprised myself by taking a spur of the moment trip (only buying my plane ticket nine days beforehand) to visit some great friends (one of them didn’t know I was coming until he showed up).

Dan (on the left) didn't know I was coming. hehehe.

Best Movie/TV Show You Watched

I watched some great stuff this year. “Jessica Jones” was great (though I could have done without the three gratuitous sex scenes… had to take my headphones off for that); it was engaging and suspenseful. “Moana” was wonderful in challenging me to test my limits and stretch myself to be more myself. I also watched “My Name is Khan” and “Temple Grandin” as research for my final research paper at BYU on how autism is portrayed in the media. Of all the things I watched, those two were the most accurate in my opinion.

Goal for next Disneyland trip: Meet Moana

Saddest Day/Time in 2016

Saddest time was just all the goodbyes I went through. After the retreat I went on, it was hard to say goodbye to new friends. After Virginia, it was hard to say goodbye to my buddies. Sucks to live so far away from good friends.

Saying goodbye to these two is always hard.

Happiest Day/Time in 2016

Happiest time this year had to do with the spiritual environments I was in. The Sacred Grove is always a wonderful place for me. This year I got to go with my friend Greg while he and his family were in Palmyra for Pageant. I also was blessed to be able to attend multiple Christian music concerts. My favorites were Matthew West performing “Grace Wins” (one of my favorite songs ever right now) live and being able to sing along.

I got to meet Matthew West and thank him for "Grace Wins"

Best Book/Magazine You’ve Read

I’ll be honest… I don’t know if I read any new books. Definitely nothing of significance. I did however finish the Book of Mormon again at least once this year. Always great to keep going through the word of God.

Things you will remember from the news

More like things I wish I could forget from the news. So much fuss over celebrity deaths. Don’t get me wrong; it’s always sad when someone dies, but celebrities rarely have a personal impact on my life. Also there’s all the election stuff… I feel like Facebook has gotten much more political. Maybe I’m just noticing it now.

Even more annoying now after the fact.

What would you like to do in 2017?

Lots I’d like to do. I want to travel lots. Being out of school now I want to take advantage of my singleness to visit friends, see new places, and have quality time with family. Canada, DC, and NYC are all on my list.

Maybe Disney again this year too? Probably not but I can wish

The Sacred Grove

It was about a month ago that I arrived at the Hill Cumorah Pageant. While I was there, I had a couple opportunities to visit the Sacred Grove. It is my favorite place in the world (yes, even more than Disneyland) and like I did last time, I wanted to share my testimony that I recorded there:

I know the Lord lives. I know that He has been there through all my pains and setbacks, waiting for me to come to Him. He came to Joseph in this Grove and I know He'll come to me if I seek Him. By my Savior's Atonement, I am strengthened each day. Without Him, I can do nothing. But with Him, I can do anything He asks. He changes my life each day by the prompting a He gives me. He has changed me and He will continue to change me. He loves me so much that He is willing to break my heart, in order to get me to a place that is better than I could ever dream.

I say this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

My Origin Story

The grades are in. I’m done. My last class at BYU is finished. The only thing left is for my diploma to come in the mail. The end of my seven years at BYU has made me reflect on how I got to this point. I’ve been noticing just how different I am from the kid who graduated from high school in Southern Alberta. As a result, I knew I wanted to write this post.

I tossed it around in my head back and forth whether I wanted to write this for my blog or for Mormon Geeks, but I felt that it fit best here. Maybe it’s cheesy to call this my origin story, but it kind of makes sense in a way. While I still lack super powers (keep my fingers crossed though, right?) I have grown much more than I thought I would.

Back in high school and middle school, I was into Yu-Gi-Oh, Digimon, Pokemon, Harry Potter, LOST, and probably some other stuff too. But no one could know. At least not about the weirder stuff like the anime. I don’t remember if I was every explicitly teased for those things when I was in high school, but it was always a worry.

Fast forward seven years to today. I’ve done things I never thought I would:

• I’ve been a missionary, maybe not as long as I thought or in ways that I expected, but I’ve been able to serve the Lord.
• I have best friends. In middle school, the idea of having a best friend was only a dream. Now I have many close friends. I wish I got to see many of them more, but I know they’re there.
• I went to a football game (both American football and real football) and I enjoyed it. Granted it had more to do with the company I was with, but go figure that I had fun.
• I’ve opened up about the parts of my life that I once thought were the deepest and darkest. Now they’re my greatest teachers.
• I’ve learned two languages and forgotten one. Technically I can’t say I ever learned ASL, but I learned some. However, I did learn Spanish. I became more proficient in Spanish than I ever was in French, which I have more or less lost at this point.
• I learned that I like hiking. In Scouts, I hated it, but maybe that had more to do with not having friends in Scouts. Now I love exploring (I should really do a hike sometime in the near future…)

• I’ve been to Disneyland. TWICE! And I’m going back this fall. Be jealous.
• I learned to travel alone. Since my mission(s), I have flown on my own to California, Louisiana, Michigan, New York, and Spain. I used to think flying was so complicated, but I’m doing a pretty good job at it now.
• I learned that I like working out! I had a curiosity about it before, but now I crave that hour so two at the gym each day. It gives me a high that I thoroughly enjoy, even when I feel super sore.
• I’ve embraced my geekiness. Whereas in high school I hid it, now I flaunt it. I dress up as video game, movie, and TV show characters for Comic Conventions and any other opportunity just because it’s fun. Heck! I write for a blog entitled “Mormon Geeks”. How much geekier could it be? Seven years ago I would have NEVER done that! I even played Quidditch that one time for Garrett’s birthday.
• I learned that I like to drive. In high school, I was scared of driving. I didn’t want to get my license because the idea of getting in a wreck was so scary. Now I drive nearly every day and I depend on it way more than I wish I had to.
• I’ve visited Central America! Granted it was only for 6 hours per day for three days, but I got to visit Belize, Roatan, and Mexico briefly during our family cruise. Despite traveling from Canada to the US throughout my life, I’d never got further south.

• I got to be a best man in a wedding. Well, kinda. Garrett didn’t have groomsmen at his wedding, but I did take charge of the bachelor party and I may have (or may not have) decorated his car at the reception. Never mind the fact that I was blown away to have real friends, I never expected to have that close of a friend.
• I’ve attended several concerts! Granted, where I grew up was not conducive to attending concerts, but I wasn’t enough into music to care. Now I’ve been to four concerts in the past four years (possibly another one this year too).
• I willingly participated in the Hill Cumorah Pageant again and alone. Both times previous, I had been in the cast with my family, but in 2014 I made the step and joined the cast by myself. It was scary not knowing anyone, but it must have been okay since I’m going again (flying out this Friday).

• I went to Europe! I spent two months in Spain on a study abroad. Especially since I didn’t feel 100% comfortable with the language, this was a big step. Also, it was scary because I didn’t know any of my classmates before I left. One of the best decisions I made at BYU to learn Spanish and go to Spain.
• I started running and I like it! What is it with all of these athletic things that I enjoy now? I hated running in gym class, but now I’m running to get a high to deal with stress. What’s going on with me? One of the highlights of my day is putting Netflix on and watching an episode of whatever on the treadmill. Also my two Dirty Dashes. I never thought a mud run would be appealing, but I love it!!!
• I’ve met celebrities! Granted all of the celebrities I’ve met so far have been Doctor Who actors, but who cares? They’re my celebrities. I even got to interview a couple of them this past Comic Con FanX.
• I got a full time job before I’d even graduated! I’ve been working at Chrysalis for a year now, but I became a house manager in January, six months before I was done school.

I honestly can’t say which of these things surprises me the most. As lost as I feel at times, in some ways that’s what’s best. If I knew what was going on in my life, I wouldn’t have applied for this job when I did, I wouldn’t have taken the risks that I have, and I wouldn’t have gotten to know myself as well as I have. As much as I don’t think at times that I know who Spencer Ficiur is, maybe I know him better than I think. Maybe he’s more confident than I give him credit for. 

“And I do this for a wise purpose; for thus it whispereth me, according to the workings of the Spirit of the Lord which is in me. And now, I do not know all things; but the Lord knoweth all things which are to come; wherefore, he worketh in me to do according to his will.” (Words of Mormon 1:7)

The most surprising thing… Tonight, I feel at home in the world.

Becoming My Dad

Wow. I haven't written here in nearly six months. That's probably due to writing for Mormon Geeks and finishing school and working full time (being an adult is busy, guys!). But anyways, no complaining about being an adult today (I actually kinda like it).

As today is Father's Day, I feel like it's the obligatory thing to say something about my dad today. So why not?

This is my dad, Rob Ficiur. He's a dork and we (his kids) like to make fun of him. He wears a fanny pack, he tells long stories that I don't always see the point of, and he has this bad habit of collecting audiobooks on CD and cassette tape (much to my mom's annoyance). As a result, I cringe a little when I look to buy audiobooks, realizing that I'm acting like my dad. In fact, when I was visiting my family last month, I mentioned to my sister-in-law that as I drove late at night, I put on an audiobook to help me stay alert, just like my dad. If I remember correctly, she told me that I'm becoming my dad. Part of me wants to cringe. At the same time, is that such a bad thing?

One of the blessings of having studied families in my undergrad is that I learned a lot about my parents. My parents are amazing. Most people know my mom is a convert to the church, but less people know that my dad is a convert. When my grandparents got married, my grandma was less active, so for the first decade of his life, my dad didn't go to church. If I'm remembering details correctly, it was when he was 12 his aunt started taking him to primary (which wasn't as bad as pre-teen Rob thought it would be). Fast forwarding, he started going to church, but his dad didn't let him get baptized until he was 15 (that was decades before my grandpa would eventually get baptized, but that's a story for another time). I say all this to say that I've been very impressed by my dad's testimony and faith. He took himself to early morning seminary since his dad wouldn't drive him. He served as a missionary for 18 months (missions were slightly shorter at that time). He followed the prompting to pursue a marriage with my mom, who he had every reason to NOT date.

Overall, my dad is one of the most Christ-like people I know. He has patience beyond what I can fathom, as he has taught a one-room classroom for decades covering seven or eight grades at one time. He is full of love, as he serves and has served so many people. He is an amazing friend, as I recently saw him interact with such love to a good friend of his. He is an amazing dad and grandpa, showing love to his kids that I want to emulate when I'm a father.

One of my favorite memories of my dad as a kid is when he'd tuck me in at night. For whatever reason, I had a cassette tape with the Goofy Movie soundtrack and we got into this routine of singing the song between Max and Goofy near the end of the movie: "Nobody Else But You". So whenever I think of Goofy and Max, I think of my dad.

In my teenage and adult years, my dad had become one of my closest friends. I have been able to grow close to him, opening up about the things that bother me or that I'm having a hard time with. He listens to my frustrations and he helps buoy me up when I struggle.

I know several people who have problems with Heavenly Father as a result of their experience with their earthly fathers. On the flip side, I'm grateful for a father who has given me an amazing example of what a father is like, which has helped in my relationship with Heavenly Father, bringing me closer to Him. 

2015: Year in Review

Another year, another go at the family tradition. Here we go :)

Neatest Place You were in 2015

            Spain! During my study abroad we went all over Spain. My favorite places throughout the country (or at least the three I always tell people about) are Córdoba, Barcelona, and Granada. I was amazed by how much I loved the country. It was beautiful and it felt almost familiar to me. It was a wonderful opportunity to work on my Spanish (still needs work) and get cultured.

Biggest Surprise of the Year

            My biggest surprise this year was work. I quit my job at the MTC Bookstore back in April when I left for my study abroad in Spain. Partway through my study abroad, I learned that I wouldn’t be doing EFY as I’d planned (more on that later), so it became necessary that I start looking for other work. I applied at company called Chrysalis (helping clients with cognitive disabilities live as normal of a life as possible) and got an interview with them shortly after getting back from Spain. I’d originally thought I’d just work as a support staff until I graduated and then MAYBE apply for a full-time position as a house manager or something at the office. In November, the opportunity arose to apply for a manager position, so I applied, because why not? I didn’t get the position I applied for, but they offered me a different manager position at a new house they were setting up, but wouldn’t be open for a couple months. I accepted and did manager training. Then last week I got the news that the new house was taking longer to set up than they originally thought, so instead they wanted me to be manager at the house right next door to where I’ve been working. So I’m going into my last few months of school with a full-time job. I’m both excited and scared! This will be interesting!

Best Movie/TV Show You Watched

            For this one I’ll just lump all of the Marvel Cinematic Universe together. I started really getting into it this year. I saw Avengers: Age of Ultron while I was in Spain (I thought I was going to have to wait until the end of June to go see it) and then later on in the year I saw Ant-Man. Loved both of them! Also, I got into Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD show on TV. A lot of people had issues with season 1 of that show, but I honestly loved it (granted, I also binge-watched the first two seasons of the show over two grave shifts). This year I’m looking forward to Captain America: Civil War and Doctor Strange.

Saddest Day/Time in 2010

            Finding out I wouldn’t be doing EFY. Still don’t know why. Probably never will. I am just grateful to my Heavenly Father for helping me through that hard time. It still hurts at times (I remember crying uncontrollably the day I found out), but at least I’ve been able to see God’s hand through it. For example, if I’d done EFY this summer, I wouldn’t be starting as a manager at work this month, having a full-time job secured before I’m even graduated.

Happiest Day/Time in 2010

            In August, my little brother Tyler got home from his mission. That made it the perfect time for everyone to go back to Alberta for the first time since our family cruise two years ago. With everyone home, and both sets of grandparents there, we got a bunch of family pictures done and I got to spend time with all five of my nephews (as well as all of my siblings, of course). I’m grateful for my family and the temple covenants that bond us. We have our issues, like every family, but I love them.

Best Book/Magazine You’ve Read

            Oddly enough I’m going to pick a textbook. “Spiritual Exodus” was the textbook I used for my Addiction Recovery and Healing class. Great gospel perspective on addiction and finding recovery, both for the addict and for the spouse. My professor from the class (the one who wrote the book) is working on a website for it as well. So that won’t cost $40 at least.

Things you will remember from the news

            What I will remember from the media is the response to the new church policies this fall.  I’ve intentionally steered away from this subject on my blog, so I will just say this on the subject: I know that God calls prophets and apostles to lead us and to teach us His will. I do not know the meaning of all things, but I have a faith in God that includes the equal chance for all of His children to reach the Celestial Kingdom, regardless of their situations.

What would you like to do in 2016?

            Lots of things I want to do in 2016. I got accepted for the Hill Cumorah Pageant again, so (pending getting work off) I’m going there. I’d also like to graduate (planning on walking in April). I’d like to do another mud run this year, since I enjoyed the Dirty Dash. I also wouldn’t mind getting a girlfriend or at the very least going to Disneyland again. I’m mostly just looking to some more adventures and growth in the next year.