Image of White

This week I got to go to the wedding reception for two of my friends: my old roommate Joey and his new bride Erin (who I originally met through my friend Juliana). It was great to be able to Juliana there, along with a couple of my old roommates (one of them being Justin, who told me about how supportive everyone had been of me with my SSA blogging when it came up in conversation why I missed the bachelor party). However, what really struck me happened during Erin’s father/daughter dance. I was struck by a feeling that I recognized. I’d felt it a few months before at Juliana’s wedding reception.

While I was at Juliana’s reception, I got to enjoy the company of many friends that I’ve met through her over the three years I’ve known her. There was a point during the reception… it was during her first dance with her husband, Caleb, that I had a distinctly peaceful feeling telling me “One day, it will be my turn for this.”

I was asked once by a gay guy I knew if I would ever regret not being with a man. I had to think for a second… I knew the answer was no, but how could I be sure? I think one of the biggest reasons is that when I’ve pictured my wedding like I did when that peaceful feeling came to me at Juliana’s reception I was not with a man. I was with a daughter of God dressed in white. White… that’s what stood out to me. This image of white… my future bride in her dress, the two of us in the temple dressed in our white temple clothes, and future children dressed in white at eight-years-old that I can baptize… these images give me hope.

I’ve been attracted to girls in the past… usually it happens emotionally first before it becomes a physical attraction. Regardless, I know it’s possible, so I have no doubt that I will get married in this life. It may not be soon (or maybe it will be) but moments of peaceful hope and joy, like I felt at Joey and Erin’s reception and at Juliana and Caleb’s reception, help me keep that goal of an eternal marriage and an eternal family in mind.

It will happen… and in the meantime, I have great friends to love me and help give me hope.

With Joey and Erin at their reception