Saturday, January 26, 2013

Shame, Faith, Fear, and Joy

Another late night blog post. This one is for Alex. Tonight, he is extremely scared that his roommate has inadvertently learned about his SSA. As such, Alex is having a hard time. He’s scared to talk to his roommate about it, but he also is scared to just wait and hope for it to blow over. In the midst of that, he has been dealing with shame surrounding his SSA these last few days, which I didn’t realize.

In texting me about his fears and his shame, Alex said to me “I don’t want to deal with this! Why What awful thing did I do before this life to merit dealing with such a terrible punishment? I just want to be normal! I just want to be happy… I haven’t been truly happy for years. What does God want from me now? Sometimes I just wish God would just let me be.” My heart broke getting these texts from Alex after I left his place. I’ve been there… I think many members of the church with SSA have been there… we struggle with “Why would God give me something so controversial?” However, there is no simple answer to that question.

I don’t know why I have this attraction to men. I don’t know why the Lord gave it to me. However, there are some things I do know. Number one: If I serve God and love Him, all things will work together for my good. Number two: I know that every trial I go through will give me experience and will benefit me in the end. In may not be soon, Alex, but as you continue to follow the Lord, you will begin to see your SSA as a blessing more and as a curse less. Number three: Our purpose here in this life, and God’s purpose for sending us here, is to make us happy and give us joy. He will NEVER give us anything that is intended to cause us misery if we give it time. Yes, things are hard and we get sad and hurt sometimes, but no, we don’t have to stay that way. Number four: Jesus Christ, our Older Brother, our Savior, and our Redeemer, felt all the sadness, pain, hurt, and shame that we go through in this life. The beautiful thing about that is that He could have learned how that hurt and shame felt through the Spirit, but He chose to experience it for Himself because He loves YOU so much. He is your friend and He will never abandon you.

I wish I could formulate my words better, but it is past 1:00 AM and all I can do right now is to bear my testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. And there is no way I know better to bear testimony of it than how I have already done, by referencing scripture. The Lord loves you and that will NEVER change. To Alex, everything will be okay. To everyone else, please keep Alex in your prayers.


  1. Thanks for you your Testimony, it's greatly appreciated. The one thing I would recommend for Alex is to speak his shame, otherwise he has no way to get over it. If Alex were to tell some individuals about his SSA in a safe place, i.e. a group of other men, that would accept him with his shadows and just the way he is, at the place he his, would be extremely beneficial for him. I can imagine there are groups of men in your area where he could do it and then things can go from there. Stepping into his shame and letting others see him for who he really is, is the only way I know of for him to progress. Admittedly, it needs to be in a thought out way and with men he can trust. Just some thoughts...

    1. I would agree. That has been one of the things that helped me deal with my shame. However, I'm not sure if Alex is ready for that yet. As soon as he is though, you can bet I'll introduce him to guys that can help him.

  2. (Mrs. IDM here) I sure wish Mr. IDM was here as I know he would have some helpful insights for Alex, but he won't be available until tomorrow. Until then, I have a few thoughts that I would like to share. Spencer, hopefully you will pass this on to Alex if you think it might help. THX

    I once heard someone say that when we are faced with trying to understand 'WHY', (i.e. - Why would God give me this trial to bare? - Why would God allow this devastating struggle to continue in my life? - Why ME?...) we should ask ourselves "WHY NOT?" & "WHY NOT ME?".

    Certainly there are all sorts of trials that all sorts of people are faced with and must bare. Some peoples' struggles might seem minor compared to mine, and some might seem beyond my comprehension, if I was to consider taking on another man's trials. Of course we know that trials, hardships, burdens, heartache & pain are all a part of God's plan and are necessary for us to progress and prove ourselves while on this earth. And, although it is truly 'easier said than done', we must remind ourselves that "all things shall work together for your good", and hopefully, we can pray for the strength to focus our attention on what we are possibly supposed to be learning from our trials, and especially think about what we have already learned thus far, and, how we can share what we've learned to help others who could benefit from what we know.

    Hang in there 'Alex' - You are clearly an extremely strong and spiritual person, because with that comes great temptations and tests. You CAN handle it - Bud..... I know you can, because obviously GOD knows you can. JUST BREATHE~~~ (and a good cry never hurts either... ;)

    "Sometimes God calms the storm - and sometimes he allows the storm to rage and calms His CHILD"

  3. Trials by their nature are not "fair" which is why they are called trials. In the Book of Mormon there is a promise in Ether 12:27. It says that our weaknesses will become our strengths. However, before our weaknesses can be come our strengths we all have to do the other items the verse says:

    a) humble our selves b) come unto Christ c) rely on Christ's grace d) have faith in Christ.

    In most cases going through a trial takes time. Have patience in God's time line not our time line.

    27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their aweakness. I bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my cgrace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make eweak things become strong unto them.


I have one rule: Be nice! That's all :)