Thursday, January 17, 2013

It Only Takes One

Last semester I hit a period of time (I can’t remember if it was a matter of days or weeks) in September when I got frustrated with myself. While my roommates were talking about cute girls they’d met and/or were asking out, I was mentally by myself. What was wrong with me that I didn’t notice these girls? I’ve noticed girls before. Sure, they don’t usually make my head turn every time, but I’ve had crushes on girls before. Instead of meeting girls and desiring to go out with them, I was noticing guys and fighting my attractions to them. Why was it so difficult?

It was during that time that I’d gotten into the habit of going up to Lehi for Sunday dinners with Eric and his family and getting to play with his cute daughter. One Sunday as I was leaving, I got talking to Eric about stuff that was going on (seems to happen often with us, making two-minute goodbyes last about half an hour or longer). Of course it was during one of these conversations that I told Eric what had been bothering me about my lack of attraction to women.

His advice hit me as a “duh!” answer. He reminded me that it doesn’t matter if I’m attracted to every woman. In the end, I only get to marry one anyway. As obvious as it was, I don’t think I’m the only one that could benefit from this advice. I’ve talked to other guys with same-sex attraction that have been discouraged about dating and marriage because they don’t get attracted to girls. So what, guys? No one ever said you had to be. In fact, some people find it easier not to be attracted to all women (you’ll have to check out the link to see what I meant).

At the Logan temple; If I'm single, I might
as well enjoy a few more excursions like this 
I’ll say it again though. You only marry one; you don’t need to be attracted to them all. It only takes one! Another thing Eric reminded me about is that just because you get married doesn’t mean your attractions go away (to the same or opposite sex). A married straight guy is still attracted by women other than his wife. In that sense, change (in the sense of sexual orientation) isn’t all or nothing. I know several married people with SSA that were not attracted to anyone of the opposite sex until they met their spouses.

In the meantime though, be happy with where you are. If you’re single, enjoy being single (married people miss it sometimes). If you’re married, enjoy your spouse and be grateful for him/her (you have someone very precious to take care of). Enjoy life in no matter what stage you’re in! Remember the Lord in all things you do. Look forward to the blessings He has promised you as you remain worthy and remember that He will not hold back any blessings in the eternities (including marriage) that you live worthy of. And always remember that, even if today isn’t so good, because of the Atonement, you can trust and have hope that it’ll get better.


  1. This fits my experience to a T. I did date a whole lot both before and after my mission, but largely it was that I wanted to do something (see a movie, or go dancing, for example) and it was fun to ask a friend (who happened to be a girl) to accompany me. It was fun and since I was not attracted, there was no drama (except in the few cases where she was attracted). But then there was one girl that turned on my heart, and she's still the only girl that can.

    [Well, I have a daughter, but that's a different part of my heart. :-) ]

  2. That's so beautiful, Spencer! :) It's an amazing insight!

  3. With or without SSA, in the end you really do have to pick ONE . . . which is an intimidating decision. You're right, just because you get married doesn't mean you're suddenly not attracted to other people anymore. You have to work at it. Thank you, Spencer. :)

  4. This article is from a secular perspective, but it is about research that defnitely supports the possibility that someone could fall in love with that one special person regardless of sexual orientation.


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